Behind Blue Eyes
by SKINNYxLOVE
Summary: It's been two years since Druella Black was murdered, leaving her youngest child in a state of guilt and denial. Narcissa Black no longer believes in love - and especially doesn't think she deserves to be loved. Until she meets Lucius Malfoy. LM/NB. R&R.
1. Introductions

**Author's Note:** Not sure where this story is going to go exactly, but what isn't possible with Lucissa? I'd like to give a special thanks to Makani (at acciobrain and on DeviantArt) for forever changing my view on the Malfoys. xD She caused my obsession with this two, but she just doesn't know it. Go check out her website and her fanart.

I'd also like to give another special thanks to my readers (I'm thanking you ahead of time, lol) and would ask _**if you read, please review.**_ Honestly, even if it's "Good job" or "You suck" (which I'd delete anyway, haha), it still means a lot. How hard is it to write two words?

Another thanks goes out to my beta-reader, riss313, for correcting my mashed up words and adding in her own thoughts.

**Disclaimer:** I sadly own nothing; I just like to ogle at the characters.

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**Behind Blue Eyes**_  
[A fanfiction story by Mesteria]_

**Chapter One: Introductions**

It wasn't always easy being the perfect one, the princess, the little girl, the baby. I had to uphold my family's name, however, and I took that job seriously. There were times when I wanted nothing more than to tear off my dresses, jump into muggle clothing and run amuck as my sister's did. I was only human; I made mistakes, too.

My eldest sister, Bellatrix, ran with a tough crowd and mainly boys. She was often out late; she would often return home drunk and insist on telling me about the sloppy, drunken sex she'd had. Normally, she shared these stories with my middle sister, Andromeda, but recently Andy had been absent a bit more than usual. She was more secretive and spent time alone in her room, shutting the world out. If she were home when I went to bed, when I woke in the morning, she was usually gone.

Of course, my sisters hadn't always been this way. Once upon a time, we had all been close, choosing to spend our summer nights with one another under the stars. That was before Bella lost herself, Andy lost her family and I lost them. Those days had ended almost two years ago. It would be two years next week, Wednesday to be exact. July fifth, 1967: the date my mother had been killed. That day would always and forever be a day of remorse and guilt for me; it would forever be the day I would punish myself.

After my mother's murder, my family and my life fell apart. I was young at the time, just thirteen (about to turn fourteen). Bella had been eighteen and Andy, sixteen. The night it happened, my two sisters huddled together in Bella's big bed. I had locked myself in the bathroom adjoined to my room, cradling myself in the tub. I didn't allow myself to cry because it had been my fault that my mother was dead in the first place. Not just dead… _murdered_, by muggles.

I only cried when Bella unlocked the bathroom door with magic and tried to comfort me. I had only cried because I didn't deserve to be comforted. I fought against her that night (something no one ever dared to do), pushing and shoving her away, pulling her hair, scratching her face and clawing at her arms. I screamed at her to leave me alone, but, in the end, she won; she always did. When I went to push her back one last time, she caught my wrists and twisted my arms until I fell on my knees in the tub. Then she released me, climbed in the tub with me and held onto me even after I had fallen asleep.

We were closer than ever for about a week. We didn't do much. We had no energy, nor the will; we even ate our meals in bed, usually Bella's, since it was the biggest. I usually crawled between them (even though they were best friends) and snuggled up to Bella's side. Andy would lie behind me, her head resting on top of mine and her arm draped over my waist. Sometimes, at night, I would slip out of their hold and walk the halls, aimlessly hoping that everything had just been a bad nightmare. I was always wrong.

The funeral was held three days after my mother's "death" (murder). She was buried in the Black family cemetery. My sisters and I wore black veils to hide our faces, as it was proper to do so. I stood with my sisters and my father at the front of the crowd that had come for the funeral. Bella had her boyfriend, Augustus Rookwood, to lean on. Andy leaned on me and I leaned on no one. I shut myself down entirely that day. I didn't shed a tear before, during or after the funeral. I didn't deserve to mourn the loss of my mother.

After that week we spent together, that was when my sisters began to slip away from me. Bella became cruder than she had been before; she was rebellious and uncontrollable. She was wild and fiery; her passion for the purification of the wizardly world grew. She hated muggles, muggleborns, and half-bloods just because they had muggle blood in them. She vowed to find the muggles that had murdered our mother. She vowed to kill them.

Andy was another story. She spent time locked away in her room or in the library reading. She read wherever she went; I think it was an escape for her. If she could become absorbed in a book, in a fantasy world, then she could make it through the day. Some of her school friends started coming around a few weeks after the funeral and she began to get out of the house a bit more.

I was the one left behind, as usual. I was forgotten in the background, left to defend myself against the harsh world that lay right outside my bedroom door. We didn't eat as a family anymore and eating by alone felt strange; eventually, I stopped eating. Nobody noticed me as I lurked around the house and in the gardens. Everyone dealt with my mother's death in their own way. I chose to push it down and out. I told everyone that all was fine… I was fine.

My father chose a bottle. He drank until every bottle in the house was dry. He was a quiet drunk, actually. He'd lock himself in his study. Sometimes at night, when I'd roam the halls, cold and alone, I could hear him cry. Daddy never cried in front of us; neither did Bella anymore. I don't think he ever really left. Maybe to go buy some alcohol, but I didn't see him much the rest of that summer. When it was time for us to head back to school in the fall, he gave us each a kiss on the cheek and then stalked back to his study… to his bottle.

Two years later and things hadn't changed.

"Hi, Daddy," I said quietly, peering into his office.

He looked up with a face. But when he saw it was I, his face lit up. "Cissy," he beamed. "How was your walk?"

Every evening, before I went to bed, I took a turn around the gardens, weather permitted. I could no longer roam the halls at night; they made me uncomfortable. I nodded and stepped into his office. I couldn't tell when he was drunk; his tolerance was built up so high now. "Lovely, as usual," I said. It was the same answer I gave every night. I sat down in the chair opposite his desk.

He nodded in response and glanced down at his desk. He quickly covered up whatever he had been looking at and then met my gaze again. "Tell me," he said with a smirk, "what could a fifteen-soon-to-be-sixteen year old young lady want for her birthday?"

I was slightly surprised. The truth was I never expected anything for my birthday anymore. My birthday was in August, on the eighth. That first year, everyone forgot my birthday. I had even forgotten it until midday, when I looked at the calendar to see the exact date. (I was counting down the days left until school began again.) I spent the day by myself, tucked away in my walk-in closet, clutching a picture of my mother. Last year would have been the same, but Andy remembered last minute and threw together a small dinner for me. Bella was gone and Daddy was in his office. Andy and I ate only a portion of the dinner and then I fell asleep in her bed, safely folded in her arms.

My father was asking me quite early about my birthday. He would probably be too drunk to remember when the day actually rolled around.

Uncomfortable with the conversation, I stood up and backed away from his desk. I stood behind the chair I had previously occupied. "Um, I'm not really sure," I said awkwardly. "Nothing really. It's fine. I have everything I want."

The truth: he couldn't give me what I wanted. I wanted him to stop drinking. I wanted Bella to stop sleeping around and practicing the Dark Arts. I wanted Andy to talk to me again and to be home. I wanted family dinners again. I wanted to attend balls like we once had. I wanted to dance with my father. I wanted to not feel so empty. I wanted to feel as though I didn't have to hide anymore. I wanted to stop feeling guilty. I wanted to stop blaming myself. I wanted to cry. I wanted holidays to be filled with joy and happiness like they used to be.

But most of all, I wanted my mother.


	2. Birthday Wishes

**Chapter Two: Birthday Wishes**

"Surely you want _something_, dear," My father said, sounding surprised.

I shrugged. "Not really," I repeated.

My father leaned back in his chair and studied me. I wanted to turn around and leave like Bella would have, feeling scrutinized, but my father would be appalled by such rude actions. He frowned and tilted his head to the side.

"A necklace?" he offered. "Earrings… a new bracelet? Some rings? What about some more make-up? You always seem to like to match your eye make-up with your clothes… would you like that?"

I forced a laughed, surprised that he had even noticed. "Daddy, really," I urged, "I don't need anything."

"Why don't you tell him about the necklace with matching earrings you've been admiring?" A voice asked from behind me.

I clenched my teeth together and turned slowly to face Bella as she glided into the room. She looked rather smug as she strode by me and up to our father's desk. She stepped behind it and stood by my father in his chair. They both stared at me.

"Have you been eying a set of jewelry, Narcissa?" my father asked, now curious.

I sighed and shot Bella a dark look. She seemed satisfied with herself. I looked back to my father and nodded. "But it is right in the display window as you pass by the shop," I quickly explained. "How can one _not_ look?"

"Diamonds?" he inquired further.

I looked up at my sister and she nodded, urging me to explain the necklace. She smiled, clearly amused and satisfied with herself. I turned my attention back to my father. "It has some diamonds," I began. "It hangs on a small rope chain. The pendent is like a half-moon… well, no – more like a quarter moon. The outside curve is made up of smaller diamonds and on the bottom tip of it sits a Tahitian pearl. The earrings are Tahitian pearls, too. It's really beautiful, Daddy."

My father seemed satisfied with my description of the necklace. He smiled at me. "Is that what you want?" he pressed.

I opened my mouth to respond, but no sound came out. I shook my head and shrugged, not quite sure how to answer him. Of course I wanted it, but there were other things I wanted more. I didn't deserve anything, really. I closed my mouth and looked down at my hands, which were resting on the back of the chair.

"You know she does," I heard Bella say to my father. I looked up. She winked at me and then looked down at my father. He stared at me for a brief moment before looking up at my sister. "She's just worried about the cost or something petty like that. It really is a prime investment. I would think about it, Father."

My father nodded, glanced at me and then beamed up at Bella. I watched their interaction, wishing that I could be close with my father once more. But I kept my distance. I feared that he no longer loved me for what I did, for killing his wife. If I hung back and withdrew from interacting with him, then maybe he could somehow hate me less.

Before he replied, my sister cut him off. "I have to go now," she said quickly, bending down to kiss his cheek. "I'm staying at Rod's tonight, but we'll be here tomorrow afternoon." Tomorrow was Sunday, which meant that we had brunch at eleven and dinner at eight. Sunday was the only day we ate together as a family. Rodolphus Lestrange, my sister's current boyfriend (or maybe he was just a fling), usually joined us on Sunday. "Love you."

Bella then stepped out from around his desk and hurried across the room. She grabbed my arm as she passed me and dragged me along beside her. I did nothing to protest; I never did.

"Why are you fighting Father on a birthday gift?" she asked in a low voice. "He hasn't gotten you anything for your birthday in two years. Let him go all out this year." We stopped in the foyer and I pulled free from her death grip.

"Because," I snapped, "I don't _want_ anything. Is that so hard to believe?"

"Are you talking about your birthday present?"

Both Bella and I turned to face the voice that had spoken. Andromeda stood there, her long hair braided and thrown over one of her shoulders. She looked between the two of us, waiting for an answer. Bella folded her arms across her chest and narrowed her eyes at our other sister.

"Don't you know it's rude to eavesdrop," she stated, her eyebrows raised.

Andy rolled her eyes. "Shut it, Bella," she replied. She turned to me. "Dad's been hounding me for the past week, asking what he could possibly get you for your birthday. I guess he finally asked you, hmm?"

I looked from one sister to the other. Bella backed up to stand by Andy. They both studied me with fierce eyes. Out of all three of us, they looked the most similar. They had inherited the dark, yet beautiful Black looks. Bella's hair was a mess of unruly black curls and her eyes were dark, almost black; the color of coal, like our father's. Her facial features were cut sharp, making her seem mean and rude at first and most people tried to avoid her because of this. Andy had softer facial features. Her hair was just as curly, but it was a dark brown instead of black and her eyes were a honey brown. She was more approachable than Bella.

I, on the other hand, was a spitting image on my mother. I looked more like a Rosier than a Black. My eyes were blue (ice blue, as Bella would say) and my hair was golden and straight. My mother had often called me "angel" because of this. She said that her own mother, growing up, had called her "angel". I had once been proud of my beauty, but after my mother was killed, I knew I didn't deserve her looks. It just didn't seem right how my blue eyes shone on when hers were lacking any light they once had. I hated looking at myself in the mirror because all I could see was my mother.

"Cissy, I swear," Bella said irritably, "you are so dense sometimes! Speak, will you!"

I glared at her and directed my answer at Andy. "Yes, he asked me," I told her. "I told him about that necklace I'd seen. But, I don't really want it, so I hope he doesn't get it for me."

_I hope he doesn't get me anything,_ I added silently to myself.

Bella sighed exasperatedly and I looked at her. She rolled her eyes. "I have to go," she said. She turned to Andy and they kissed each other on the cheek. Bella whispered something in her ear and Andy began to laugh. I hated when they did that sort of thing in front of me, their best friend thing. I always felt as though they were rubbing it in my face. "I love you, Andy."

"I love you, too, Bells," Andy replied.

Bella walked up to me, gave me an apologetic smile and kissed my forehead. I was the same height as she was; in fact, all of us were the same height. "I love you, Cissy," she whispered. "Let Father spoil you, okay?"

I nodded and reached out to hug her. "I love you," I whispered back. "Please be careful."

She laughed in my ear and we pulled apart. She nodded and then headed to the door. She waved goodbye and then slammed the front door shut. I stared at the door, wishing that she'd come back in and decide to spend the night with us. When she didn't, I turned around and walked up to my other sister.

"Let's have some tea before bed," Andy said, linking arms with me.

I nodded and we headed to the kitchen.

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_Author's note: Thanks for reading. The chapters are going to start getting longer, as I've realized that they're way too short. Reviews = love. =]_


	3. Brunch

_**Author's note:**_ Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing the story. It means an awful lot. =D

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**Chapter Three: Brunch**

It wasn't often that Andy spent the night at home. I slept in her bed, curled up close to her. (Whenever I had the opportunity, I clung to my sisters' sides.) We drank our nighttime tea in her bed and she told me stories. Andy was the storyteller of the family. While Bella lied, Andy merely stretched the truth into something fun and entertaining. She had always been good at storytelling and she read a lot, so sometimes she repeated the books she read into less words and bedtime stories.

That night, we stayed up until the early morning hours, laughing and talking. We only talked about happy things – boys, kissing, and music; just to name a few – and never anything that made us upset. I wanted to open up to Andromeda, but it had just been so long. It almost didn't seem worth it anymore.

We fell asleep sometime around four in the morning. I stirred when the sun was peaking through the windows (we'd forgotten to draw the curtains) and Andy was climbing out of bed. She kissed my forehead and told me to go back to sleep. I did as she said, but it felt as though only five minutes had gone by when I heard her voice again.

"Cissy," she whispered. "Wake up." She gently placed her hand on my shoulder. "It's after ten… brunch will be soon. You need to get up, Cissy."

I sighed, took a deep breath and then popped my eyes open. Andy smiled at me. "Do I have time to take a shower?" I asked sleepily.

"You, no," she said. "Someone might have time, but you…." She smirked.

I made a face and then stuck my tongue out at her. "Pick out something for me to wear and I'll try to be done within ten minutes."

Then I hopped out of my sister's bed. I made a dash from her bathroom, which connected her room to Bella's room. I quickly showered and by the time I was finished and then left the room, Andy had laid out something for me to wear. It was a simple white sundress with a halter-top. I applied make-up that was appropriate for the morning, as my mother had taught me, and then made my way to the dining hall.

As I turned the corner around to the stairs, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the wall. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought that maybe, just maybe, she was here again. The past three years had been a lie. My heart beat faster. My head was telling me to be logical, but nothing made sense anymore. I turned slowly to face the mirror, my eyes staring at the ground and then lifting to stare at the person in the mirror.

Golden locks. Blue eyes. It could be her… but I only saw my own reflection. My make-up was soft and barely visible, just like my mother had told me it should be. I was twelve when she first taught, after my insistent begging. But I was only allowed to wear it to Sunday brunch. My lips twitched into some sort of smile at the memory before it was too much to think about. I turned away from the piece of glass and hurried toward the dining hall.

"Narcissa," my father said in his deep voice when I entered the room. I stopped in the open, airy doorway and looked across the room at him. Everyone else was seated at the table. "You're late."

I glanced at the clock behind my father. "Daddy," I said with a roll of my eyes as I walked to take my seat next to Andromeda, "it's two minutes passed eleven. Give it a rest."

"Well, I have news," he announced.

I sat down, grabbed the folded cloth napkin and place it on my lap. Then I took down at my father. "News?" I repeated, glancing at Bella, who shrugged, and then at Andromeda, who was looking at my father as well. I grabbed my glass of iced water and took a sip.

He nodded, but looked a bit wary. "Why don't we eat a little before we talk, shall we?" he suggested, but it was more of a demand.

There was a murmur of agreement. The food was already piled on the table. There was always an array of food – bacon, eggs, French toast, pancakes, crumpets, potatoes, sausage and cinnamon bread – but I always went for the fruit salad. I never ate any of the fattening foods; it had once been my weakness, but since my mother's death, I no longer allowed myself to enjoy such luxuries. (Plus, I'd begun to notice that Bella was putting on a bit of weight and I wondered if it had anything to do with Sunday brunch, so it was more of a reason to stay away.)

In addition to fruit salad, I liked to drink coffee on Sunday morning. It helped to fill me up and gave me a bit more energy than tea.

"Are you going to tell us your news, Papa?" Andy finally asked, breaking the silence. All three of us called my father something different; Bella called him 'Father', Andy usually called him 'Papa' and I'd always called him 'Daddy'.

I looked up at him, chewing on a piece of melon. He smiled at the four of us (Rodolphus was sitting next to Bella). He seemed satisfied with himself. "Take a guess," he urged us. "It's something exciting… something that hasn't happened in a while."

Bella was the first to speak: "Did you get lai—"

But Rodolphus quickly popped his hand over her mouth and offered my father a smile. My father barely seemed to have noticed what my sister was about to say, which was quite a surprise. Bella, as I've said before, was known to be crude. If he did notice, he didn't react to her. I ducked my head and suppressed a giggle. Andy kicked me under the table and I peeked up at her, biting my bottom lip to stop myself from smiling.

"You're not getting married, are you?" Andromeda asked.

The room filled with an awkward silence. My father shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Bella glared at Andy from across the table, Rodolphus stared down at his plate and, this time: it was my turn to kick my sister.

"Why would you say something like that, Andromeda?" my father asked his tone soft and struggling to stay even.

Next to me, Andy shrugged. "I'm sorry, Papa," she apologized. "I just… I was worried. I didn't think before I spoke."

My father looked grim, but then he gave her a soft smile. He reached out to cup the side of her face with his large hand. "I understand, dear," he said quietly. Then he took his hand back and looked at me. "Any guesses then, Cissy?"

I looked around the table once before settling my eyes on my father. I shook my head. "No. Sorry, Daddy," I replied in a small voice.

"I think you'll be excited." He winked and then leaned back in his chair. I dropped my fork, suddenly not hungry, and gave him my full attention. I had a feeling I was not going to be excited. My father grinned at the four of us. "We will be attending the Goyle ball this Wednesday."

Silence so loud filled the room. I stared hard at my father; surely this was a joke! I felt angry and it was difficult to breathe. My father refused to look my way. I forced myself to look at my sisters. Bella looked somewhat indifferent, but she was excellent at concealing her feelings. She was studying my father. Andy was staring down at her plate, her mouth a thin line.

"Daddy," I said forcefully, standing up. My chair fell backward, dropping to the floor. Everyone looked up at me now. "Wednesday?" I shook my head. "Wednesday is—"

"I know what Wednesday is, Narcissa," my father hissing, giving me a warning look. "I also know that we haven't attended this ball for two years now—"

"We haven't gone to any balls in two years!" I shouted. "Why _this_ ball? I'm sure the Parkinson's are having their ball some time soon. And if you want to attend a ball so badly, then why aren't we hosting our own damn bloody ball!"

My anger had risen well passed its normal range. I never got this upset, not anymore; but Wednesday, to attend the very same ball…. No. No, no, no. He was just playing a joke on us, but it was beginning to get out of hand.

He rose from his seat slowly, a sign that he was angry. "Narcissa," he said in a low voice, "you will _not_ raise your voice when you speak to me. We are going to this ball. It's been too long since we've been. Do you understand—"

"No!" I shouted once again. "I don't understand! I don't understand why we're going to _this ball_! You can't… this isn't fair! Why are you doing this! _Find a different ball_!"

"Narcissa!" he hollered back.

"No! I said 'no'!" I screamed. I could feel the tears rising in the back of my throat. I wouldn't cry, I wouldn't cry, _I wouldn't cry_.

"Bellatrix!" my father yelled, turning to face my older sister. She looked taken aback. "Control your sister!" Then he turned back to me. "We are going to this ball!"

"Will you manage to be sober?" I snapped, my eyes flashing anger. I knew I had a hit a nerve when I saw the mad look in his eyes. Before he could get his hands on me (oh, I knew he wanted to), I turned and fled from the room.

I could hear my father's booming voice calling out for me to stop and turn around, but I ignored him. I ran to the back doors and slipped outside. The sun was hot on this June day. I dashed across the stone desk, down the stairs into the gardens and didn't slow down until I reached the familiar path to edge of the gardens.

I glanced nervously over my shoulder and hurried along the pebble path. At the end of the gardens, there was an iron wrought gate, hidden by the tall hedge. My sister's, along with myself, had discovered it years ago. Beyond the gate, there was a short clearing and then a bundle of willow trees. Beneath the trees was a pond. We had often snuck out for a twilight swim when we were younger and still a family. As far as I was concerned, the property behind the gate was ours; we just didn't use it nor did our parents tell us about it.

I slipped through the gate and closed it. Sometimes, when our family would hold a ball, all three of us girls would sneak to this side of the gate and sit down by the hedge, listening. It was where we slipped away when the adults were getting tipsy; it was where Bella told us about her first kiss (and, years later, her first time having sex); it was where Andy admitted having a crush on a professor at Hogwarts; and it was where I'd told my sisters (rather excitedly) that I'd begun my period. It was a place all of our own, where there were no rules, no boys, no adults, no arguments and no hardships.

I walked to the willow trees. I brushed their leaves away as I entered the sacred area. There was a deer drinking from the pond, a baby lying at its side. The doe looked up when she saw me. She stared at me for a moment and I stopped walking. She studied me some more and then turned away from the pond, leaping off. The fawn jumped to life and followed its mother out of the clearing.

I sighed and walked to the dock. The sun peeked down between the treetops, warming me just a bit. I sat down on the dock and took off my shoes. Then I scooted to the edge of the dock and dropped my feet into the water. The water was cool and my legs looked even paler beneath the water. I stared down into the water and then began to move my legs around, making small splashes.

"Cissy."

I jumped at Andy's voice and twisted to face her. She offered me a smile and then gestured to the spot on the dock beside me.

"Is it alright if I join you?" she asked, taking a small step forward.

I nodded and turned to stare at the water once more. Andy stepped onto the dock and I heard her take off her shoes. Then she dropped down beside me, plunging her own legs into the cool water. I looked up at her.

"You put on quite a scene back there," she said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I looked away from her to stare once more at our legs. I shrugged. "There's not much to say," I admitted. "Daddy is being ridiculous. There are lots of other balls to attend; why do we have to go to _this_ ball? I just don't understand."

Andy was quiet for a moment. "We need to make an appearance into society," she said quietly. "We can't hibernate in this house forever. You used to love balls. It'll be fun, Cissy. It'll be like we're a family again."

"If Daddy can handle the night with alcohol," I mumbled.

Andy bumped me with her shoulder. "Give him a chance," she told me. "And even if he can't… at least you'll be out and socializing. I worry about you, Cissy; all you do is stay in the house."

_Someone has to take care of Daddy and remember Mummy,_ I thought.

I felt like asking Andy why, if she worried about me so much, she never invited me to tag along when she left the house. If she knew I wouldn't leave the house, then why didn't she opt to spend time with me? Why didn't she force me to get out every once in while?

But I kept those thoughts to myself. While I was angry with my sister for this, I knew why she did it: she blamed me for our mother's murder as well. I didn't deserve to socialize; it was my job to stay in the house, trying to fix a drunken father and remember our mother every day, but not allow myself to feel anything.

Andy wrapped her arm around me and pulled me into her. I rested my head on her shoulder. "We'll go shopping for new outfits," she said enthusiastically. "Papa said he'd buy us all new outfits for the ball – even Rodolphus!" She began to laugh.

I giggled along with her for a moment. "Bella's going?" I asked, pulling away from my sister and looking into her face. That would make the night eventful and a little less boring.

Andy bobbed her head. "Papa is forcing her," she explained with a sly grin. "She had a few choice words to say to him about it…."

I grinned, imaging the vulgar words coming out of my sister's mouth. I could picture my father growing irritated with her profanity rather than the fact that she was fighting with him about attending a ball.

"If we have to go," I decided, standing up, "Bella has to go, too. She's still part of the family." Andy looked up at me with a smile and I held out my hand to her. She grabbed it and I helped her up. Then we headed back into the house, hand-in-hand.


	4. Gown Shopping

**Author's Note:** Thank you to everyone who had reviewed this story. Thank you thank you thank you! (I'm so excited that I can't even use proper grammar.) Okay, well that was a lie (at least for the rest of this note besides the "thank you" part) and... I'm not even being remotely funny. So... -pulls paper bag over head- ... here you are. LUCIUS SHALL BE COMING INTO THE STORY VERY SOON! Oh, and, thanks to riss313 for beta-ing my craptastic work and putting up with my horrible ideas... =] Enjoy! (Not after that warning, huh? Lol.)

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**Chapter Four: Gown Shopping**

"No way," Bella said. "I'm not wearing _that_."

I heard Andromeda sigh exasperatedly. I could imagine her rolling her eyes, putting yet another ball gown on the "no" rack and challenging Bella's dark stare. Not many people dared to stare back at my sister when she threw her death glare around. But Andy wasn't afraid to give our older sister a challenge. I usually closed my mouth politely and looked away; Andy chose to fuel the fire.

I pulled back the curtain from my dressing room and looked at the rack of gowns Bella had shot down. There were five piled up so far; the newest one being a puffy white gown. I winced inwardly and made a face; even I wouldn't wear that to a ball – maybe my debutante ball (which was coming up soon—too soon), but not a regular ball.

I looked over at my sisters. They were on the opposite side of the dressing area. The room contained five private dressing rooms packaged into a larger dressing area, which had a mirror at each end and some chairs to sit in. Andy had asked for specific dresses when we first arrived, which the workers delivered into the dressing area.

I walked down to them. Bella scrunched her nose at a dress and Andy gave another sigh, mumbled something under her breath and added the new dress—a pastel blue dress—to the "no" rack.

Bella glanced up at me as I made my way to them. Then she looked back down at another dress, but her head snapped up to take another look at me. She let go of the dress in her hands and turned to face me.

"Merlin," she breathed, meeting me the rest of the way. She grabbed my hands and stepped back away from me, looking me up and down. "Cissy. This dress is gorgeous and you look fabulous in it!"

I looked down at the dress myself. It was a simple, strapless gold gown. It hugged my body in all the right places, but gave me the room I needed to walk and dance. To be truthful, I hadn't wanted to try it on, but Andy had forced me into it.

"Andy!" Bella shouted, looking over her shoulder. "Come here, love. You actually found a nice dress!"

"Thank you for the vote of confidence," Andy replied sarcastically as she walked over to us.

Bella let go of me and stepped out of the way so my other sister could view me. I began to grow uncomfortable under their eyes. Normally, I loved the attention, but I just didn't feel like playing that game anymore.

"Wow," Andy breathed as she, too, ran her eyes all over me. "You look amazing, Cissy. And, look – you have boobs!"

I felt my face flush and I defensively folded my arms over my chest. Of course I had a chest; I was sixteen, after all… a normal sixteen-year-old girl with all the "right parts". I was half angered that she hadn't noticed this before, but I was also somewhat flattered that she _had_ noticed. Maybe she hadn't forgotten me completely.

Her eyes trailed down the dress once more and she frowned. She stepped closer to me and ran her fingers lightly across the material over my hip. "You're thin," she said, looking up at me.

I stepped back from her touch. "I've always been thin, Andromeda," I said icily. I hated when people commented on my weight or spoke negatively on my shape. She stared into my eyes as if she were trying to read my mind. But I looked away; my sister had stopped trying to know me a long time ago. While she might have noticed me, she no longer cared to ask me about the little things in life. I felt as though I couldn't open up to her anymore.

"Well, Cissy," Bella said as she grabbed a black dress from the rack. She walked over to me and took one last look at me. "I'd definitely shag you if I were a man." She smirked.

"Bella!" Andy and I shouted at the same time. Then Andy reached out to push our sister, knocking her off balance. Bella shot her a dark glare, but walked away from her instead of fighting back.

"Bitch," Bella spat as she walked into a dressing room. I was quite surprised that she hadn't punched Andy. The pair was so complicated sometimes.

"Piss off," Andy snapped. Bella pulled the curtain closed and then, moments later, they both dissolved into laughter. I stood back and watched them. Andy walked up to the curtain. "I'm kidding. I love you," she said through her laughter.

"Prove it," Bella said harshly, though she was still laughing. "Get in here and zip me up!"

Andy did as she was told. She slipped into my older sister's dressing room and then I heard her say: "Gross! You're not wearing any knickers!" Bella's dark laugh sounded seconds later. I stood outside for a few seconds, listening to them laugh together, before walking back to my dressing room.

In the end, we all got gowns that my father barely approved of. He liked my gown the best, as it was the most appropriate, even if it didn't have straps. Bella had matched it up with the dreaded elbow-length white silk gloves (because Daddy demanded it) and red high heels. I wasn't too keen on them, but they did look a lot better than the black high heels. I borrowed Andy's gold bangle bracelets and matching hoop earrings. She had curled my golden hair and piled it into some sort of 'do so that it looked down, but it looked up at the same time.

Bella, of course, had gotten the most risqué dress she could find. It was a very revealing black dress. The front cut was long and deep; the opening went all the way down to her belly button. Since it was open between her breasts as well, no bra was needed. (My father had been furious when he'd seen the dress and nearly set it on fire whilst screaming profanities.) The dress itself was long as well, draping all the way down to the floor. She had gotten the black high heels instead, but the dress covered them up. She'd also been forced to wear a pair of elbow-length gloves, but she'd gotten black ones instead of white. She accented her neckline with a long, sterling silver necklace Rodolphus had gotten for her for her birthday in June.

Andy's dress was quite stunning, too: pastel yellow with thin straps. The top portion of the dress, around her chest and midway down in middle, was tight and clung to her body. The rest of the dress flowed away from her. At first glance, it seemed like an appropriate dress… until one saw the front of the bottom. The very front part of the dress cut way up, halfway up her thighs, but the sides and the back hung to the ground. She had paired it with white, strapped heels and white elbow-length gloves as well. She wore a heart-shaped locket around her neck; it looked new to me, though I couldn't say for sure.

"Are we finally ready?" my father asked, checking the watch wrapped around his wrist; he huffed, began to pace, and pulled his jacket sleeve down over his wrist once.

We were waiting on Bella. I was usually the one to take a long time to get dressed for a ball, but I knew that tonight, my sister wanted to make an entrance. My father hated her dress probably more than anything in the world right now and she was purposely flaunting it in his face.

"Bellatrix Adella!" he shouted as he strode toward the stairs, which emptied out into the foyer.

I looked over at Andy, who was slouching against the wall, which wasn't very ladylike. Rodolphus seemed annoyed, but he waited patiently next to my sister. I was standing on the wall opposite of them.

"I don't see why she has to be so difficult," Andy murmured with a sigh. They had been arguing since yesterday morning when Bella had been vomiting. Andy had tried to comfort her, which hadn't ended well. Bella had avoided our middle sister the rest of the day, which apparently had upset Andy more than anyone realized. I only found out because I'd snuck out during the middle of the night (to pay respects to my mother since I knew I wouldn't be able to during the day) and I'd heard Andy crying in her room. Though, looking back, there could have been some other reason my sister had been crying.

"Damn that girl!" my father cursed as he turned around to face us. He stopped in front of Rodolphus and pointed his finger at him. "You should be taming her!"

I noticed the appalled look on Rodolphus' face and I walked up to my father. I placed my hand on his arm and he looked down at me.

"Daddy, calm down," I said evenly. I pushed down on his arm gently and he dropped it. He glanced at the ground, looking almost ashamed. "Bella—"

"Is right here."

We all turned to the stairs. There stood my sister, in her revealing gown. She looked smug and waltzed into the foyer. She walked up to her boyfriend and they gave each other a peck on the lips. Then she turned to our father.

"Ready, Father?" she asked. She linked arms with Rodolphus. "Oh, by the way, no drinking tonight. Don't forget." She winked and then walked to the front door with Rodolphus.

"Unbelievable," my father muttered as we followed them. "That _dress_… disgusting! She's going to make a fool of our family! I should have been more forceful—"

"Daddy," I said once again, descending the front porch steps. "It's okay. Bella has a mind of her own; everyone knows it. Just leave her be; she _wants_ to get a reaction from you."

My father looked down at me as we walked along the pebble path. Andy was in front of us, walking carefully. We were going to Apparate to the ball. My father studied me and then nodded. "You're correct," he said with a curt nod. "And very observant." He smiled softly and I returned it.

When we reached the safe point to Disapparate, he held out his arm to me. (I wasn't old enough to Apparate yet; I would be taking my classes this year, however.) "Shall we?" he asked. I nodded and grabbed on tightly to his arm.

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**Author's Note:** Okay. I decided to put in pictures of the dresses. xD These were the dresses that gave me inspiration (I know it's a pain but TAKE OUT THE SPACES!):

Bella's dress: http : / / i26 . tinypic . com / 2wck283 . jpg  
Andy's dress: http : / / i29 . tinypic . com / 33w8aj4 . jpg  
Cissy's dress (not really the one I was imaging, but it's the closest; and it's not so bronze...): http : / / i32 . tinypic . com / 344f9ma . jpg


	5. The Ball

**Author's Note:** Thanks to EVERYONE for the reviews. It's very kind of you to take the time to do so. =D *squishes all of you* Thanks to Rissy for being the beta. =] Hope everyone enjoys this chapter... =D

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**Chapter Five: The Ball**

It should have been like any other ball night. We should have arrived, been greeted, received a glass of champagne and then made our way to the crowd that had already gathered. But, it wasn't just _any_ ball night. This was the very ball that we had planned on going to the night my mother was murdered-because of last minute preparations… because of _me_.

I suppose everyone tried to act normally, but there was definitely a delayed reaction. At first, I'd thought my father had forgotten to RSVP to the event, which would have been utterly embarrassing. We were greeted, but it took some time for Mr. Goyle to reach us. I'd seen him when we approached the lavish display held in his own countryside manor.

"Cygnus," Mr. Goyle said, reached out to take my father's hand. He placed his other hand on my father's shoulder. "It's good to see you. Let me get you all some champagne—"

Bella stepped forward and before she even began to speak, she had Mr. Goyle's attention. My father cleared his throat and Mr. Goyle's eyes popped back up to look into my sister's face.

"Thank you very much for the complimentary drink," Bella said, "but I'm afraid that we're going to have to decline. My father included. Maybe some water or some sort of sparkling juice would be nice, if it's not an inconvenience."

Mr. Goyle smiled. He shook his head. "Not at all, Bellatrix," he assured her. He summoned a house elf over and asked the elf to get us some sparkling juice. Then he turned his attention back to us girls. He smiled at us. "They've certainly grown up, Cygnus."

I looked over at my father. He turned to stand beside Mr. Goyle and he gazed at us. I hated it when adults did this, like we were some sort of food platter. "That they have," he agreed. He caught my eye and winked. Then he turned into Mr. Goyle and they began a conversation.

"Let's go dance, Roddy," Bella said, smiling up at him.

He smiled down at my sister and took her hand gently. Then he led them out onto the dance floor. Despite the fact that a waltz was being played by the live band, they stalked off to their own corner and slow danced. Bella rested her head on his shoulder and he kissed the top of her head.

I felt Andy place a hand on my shoulder. I turned to look at her.

"I see some of my friends," she told me. "Will you be okay by yourself or would you like to come with?"

I shook my head and forced a smile. "I'll be fine," I told her. But the truth was that I didn't want to be alone. I wasn't going to be okay alone… not in public, not on this day.

My mother hadn't been mentioned once today and I was beginning to wonder if everyone else had forgotten about her. I had placed flowers on her headstone when I'd snuck out. (The Black family cemetery was on our property, tucked away into an upper corner of the front yard.) As I thought of her, I refused to let myself cry. When I began to feel as though I was in mourning, I stood up and turned back to the house, letting guilt fill me up once more.

I looked around the ballroom. My father and Mr. Goyle (who had a son one year my senior named Everett) had wandered off, deep in conversation. I sighed; there was no one here I really knew – or at least no one I wanted to talk with. I turned and made my way to the bar, which was in the dining hall across the way. My father couldn't drink tonight, but I certainly wasn't going to follow Bella's rules tonight.

Luckily, the bartender, as I neared bar, I noticed that the bartender was absent and only a house elf (to serve as his helper) was at the bar. I approached quickly, flicking my eyes around subtly. Hopefully the bartender would be out for just a bit longer and a house elf would not ask to see my I.D.; nor would any house elf to stupid enough to deny me a drink.

"What can Monty be getting you, Miss?" the house elf chirped as I stepped up to the bar.

"A glass of White Zinfandel," I said pleasantly. The house elf nodded and then jumped to another chair to fill my glass with the white wine. He was about to hand me the glass when the bartender stopped him.

"Did you ask to see an identification card?" he asked, glancing at me.

"Monty did not, sir," the house elf replied in a sad voice. "Monty bad. Monty will punish himself, sir."

The bartender rolled his eyes. He snatched the glass from the elf's hands. "No need for that. We're at a social event," he hissed. Then he looked up at me. "Your card?" (The Ministry of Magic issued out wizard identification cards with one's date of birth on them. The legal age for a wizard or witch to receive alcohol was seventeen.)

I swallowed. "I left it at home," I admitted.

He stared at me, then placed the glass of wine behind him on the back bar. "Sorry," he said, though he didn't sound sorry at all. "No alcohol for minors."

"I never said—"

"Don't bother," he snapped.

I gaped at him for being so rude, but was too upset to respond. I turned away from him with a glare and bumped into a tall pale-haired man. "Sorry," I mumbled quickly and stepped off to the side.

He smirked and stepped up to the bar. "Two White Zinfandels," he ordered.

I frowned and made my way back toward the ballroom. But I didn't enter it, however. I leaned against the doorframe, my arms crossed over my chest. I was memorized by the clashes of bright colors against dark. I saw Bella laughing in the middle of the dance floor as she danced with Rodolphus and I found myself smiling. I saw Andy off in a corner with her group of friends. Their heads were bent together and they were giggling. Then they looked down the outside doors, said something to someone and then dashed outside. I was just about to walk into the ballroom when someone thrust a glass of wine in my face.

I jumped and placed my hand over my chest. I looked up to see the tall pale-haired man standing there, offering me his second drink.

"You wanted White Zinfandel, correct?" he asked. His voice was silky smooth. "I might have difficulty hearing at times – selective hearing and all – but I'm quite sure I heard you correctly…."

I stared into his eyes, which were a blue-gray. His hair was long, but tied back with a ribbon at the nape of his neck. His face was smooth and clean. I glanced at the drink in his hand and reached out to grab it. But, at the last second, I withdrew my hand and stepped back from him.

"What did you do to it?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

He chuckled and then gave me a genuine smile. "Your mother taught you well," he said. He knew my mother? He stretched his arm out to me again, offering me the wine once more. "I didn't do anything to it. I figured I would brighten your night since the bartender seemed to bring you down a few levels."

I studied him for a few moments before smiling at his words and reached for the wine glass once more. I took it from him and brought the deep cup to my lips, taking a sip. I looked back out to the couples dancing once more; fully aware that the gentleman who'd snuck me some wine couldn't take his eyes off of me.

"Is she as beautiful as you?" he asked and I snapped my head in his direction.

"Pardon?"

"Your mother," he explained. "Is she as beautiful as you?"

I bristled at his question. I gave him a dark glare. He had made it seem as though he knew my mother (the fact that I had no idea who this man was hadn't crossed my mind yet.) But now he was asking if she was beautiful. Who did he think he was!

I backed away from him. "Is this some sort of crude joke?" I seared.

He looked taken aback. "I was attempting to give you a compliment."

I continued to back away from him, but he followed my moves. I stopped in my tracks, going over our conversation in my mind. If he had truthfully known my mother, then would he have really asked me such a question? I gnawed on my lower lip and allowed my mother's face to enter my mind. She was truly beautiful and I had inherited her fair looks. I was a spitting image of her and sometimes, when she was on my mind (though, she wasn't often off my mind), I couldn't bear to look at myself in the mirror. But I don't think this man wanted to know that; I was quite certain it was a rhetorical question.

"I'm sorry," I finally said, letting out my breath. "I suppose I'm not very fun tonight."

He smiled. "The wine will loosen you up." He winked.

My eyes searched his face and then I gave him a half-smile. He seemed nice enough, even if he had a strong personality. I took another sip of the wine. "Just make sure I don't do anything dumb," I whispered to him, leaning toward him.

He locked eyes with me and brought his face down to mine, as he was several inches taller than me. "And what is it, exactly, that you do when you've had a little too much to drink?" he asked, his voice just as low.

I laughed. I had only been tipsy a handful of times in my life. I had never been completely plastered because I'd seen what Bella did when she was too drunk to be in control. I hated the feeling of not being in control of myself; even when I was tipsy, I panicked. And, I was also still a virgin. I had snogged plenty of boys, whilst both sober and tipsy, but I had never crossed the line. But, to actually say it out loud was a different story. And I didn't know why I had not walked away, irritated and annoyed, from this man.

I gave him a small smile and brought my lips to his ears. "Sorry to disappoint you," I whispered, "but not what you're thinking."

He chuckled into my ear. "A tease, hmm?" he purred into my ear, sending chills down my spine. "Come on, Mystery Girl; you can't lead a guy on."

While I should be appalled at his mannerisms, I wasn't. I smiled to myself; no one had ever called me a tease before. I'd only ever been called a prude. I liked how this man, a man I barely knew, treated me like an adult. Maybe it was just to get into my knickers, but…

I blew into his ear and stepped back from him. I smiled and then turned around. I headed down the hallway, taking a sip of my wine. I didn't feel his presence around and my heart fluttered for moment, thinking that he'd left me. I glanced over my shoulder and he was standing where I had left him.

"Aren't you coming?" I asked innocently.

"I thought you didn't do that," he responded, tilting his head to the side. Now who was leading whom on?

I turned around to face him and shrugged. "I'm just giving you a tour of the manor," I replied. I took yet another sip of my wine. I gave a small smile when the man studied me for a few moments and then made his way toward me.

We ascended the stairs together.


	6. Black Secrets

**Author's Note:** Okay. There is a big surprise in this chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. =D I know the story is moving slowly, BUT... it's going to get faster. I'm sorry it's taken so long so finally get moving. *blushes* Thank you to everyone who's reviewed. It means so much. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter... =] Thanks again to Rissy for being my beta.

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**Chapter Six: Black Secrets**

I woke up to the sound of someone vomiting. The sun was shining through the windows in my bedroom, blinding me. Luckily, I didn't have a hangover. I closed my eyes and listened; seconds later, I heard my sister vomiting again.

I threw the covers back from my bed and walked around the bed and toward the bathroom. The door was wide open and I saw Bella in the middle of the bathroom, leaning over the toilet. I frowned and crossed the distance toward her. I sank down beside her and gathered her thick curls in my hand, then gently rubbed her back with my free hand.

"Too much to drink?" I asked gently.

Bella didn't answer me as she vomited once more. I looked away and continued to console her. After a few more times vomiting, she leaned away from the toilet. Her face was sweaty and I frowned at her appearance. She looked exhausted.

She leaned against the cabinet behind us and closed her eyes. "Keep your legs shut," she breathed out. "You have knees; learn how to use them the right way." Her dark eyes popped open and we stared at each other.

I wasn't exactly sure what she was talking about, but I figured it had something to do with last night. After I'd gone upstairs with the strange man, we found ourselves in a guest room. We'd begun to snog, rather feverishly, and ended up on the bed. He tasted wonderful (it wasn't the wine; it was something else), smelt amazing (like lemon and coffee, plus some spices I couldn't note) and I found myself unable to resist him. His hands had roamed my body all over, cupping my breasts through the gold silk and tangling his fingers in my curls. I had allowed my hands to roam his body as well as his lips traced along my jaw line… down my neck and along my collarbone. At some point, my dress was pushed around my hips and I had felt his hand inching up my leg. That was when Bella and Rodolphus stumbled into the room, laughing. But their laughter died quickly when they saw me on the bed with a man I didn't even know, in a very compromising position.

"Bella, I—"

She held up her hand and closed her eyes once more. "If you use your knees properly," she said softly, "you won't end up like me."

I studied her tired face, still trying to piece her words together. Was she subtly calling me a whore? And then I instantly felt guilty for thinking such a thing because that meant I was calling my own sister, the one who had once protected me from the thunder, a whore.

"You're talking in riddles, Bella," I said softly.

She took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant." And then she launched to life, pressing herself against the toilet again, vomiting.

I'm not sure how long I stayed by my sister's side that morning, but I managed to get her settled back into my bed. (She had slept in my bed last night because Rodolphus had to work today and she claimed that she wasn't used to sleeping alone anymore. She said that she couldn't sleep with Andy because they were fighting, confirming my previous thoughts. I was secretly delighted that she was spending time with me, even if we were just sleeping. And then she had asked about the man I'd been snogging that night.)

I was surprised by Bella's news. She hadn't said another word about it and I hadn't brought the subject back up. Though, I assumed no one knew – not even Rodolphus, if it were his child. This made me uneasy.

"Bella," I said gingerly, sitting on the edge of my bed. I looked down at her as she attempted to fall back asleep.

"What?" she asked sounding annoyed.

The question I desperately wanted to ask scurried to the back of my head, hiding. I stood up and Bella opened her eyes. "I'll get you some gingerbeer," I explained. "It'll help settle your stomach."

Bella scoffed, but nodded. "Sure, Cissy," she said softly and closed her eyes again.

I watched her briefly before turning away from the bed. But her words echoed in my head. I bit my lip and turned around in the doorway. I had to know. "Bella," I called out. She turned her head toward me, her eyes open. "Are you pregnant with Rodolphus's child?"

She stared at me and almost looked ashamed. I prepared myself for the answer I was hoping not to hear. But, surprisingly, she nodded. "Yes," she replied. Then she laughed. "He's the only man I've been shagging over the past year and a half. I know you hear things, Cissy," she added, waving her hand in the air, "but I don't cheat on my boyfriends – not unless they deserve it. I've told you some stories, which maybe I shouldn't have, but I was never actually _with_ those guys. Not like how I was with Rookwood or Rod." She paused and then her eyes widened. She sat up and gave me a hard stare. "You have better keep your mouth shut about this. If I find out you've told a soul, I will hex you like there's no tomorrow—"

"Bella!" I said my voice louder than I had intended it to be. "I'm not going to tell anyone. It's not my job."

She studied me some more, but then seemed satisfied with my answer. She leaned back against the pillows and closed her eyes once again. I smiled to myself and then slipped from the room.

I headed down the hallway and as I rounded the corner, I nearly bumped into Andy. "Sorry," I said

She shook her head and stepped back. She looked down at my nightgown and then met my gaze once more. "You might want to change," she told me. "There's company… I just nearly embarrassed myself dressed in this." She indicated to her own set of pajamas.

"Company?" I asked as we headed back down the aisle.

She nodded. "I'm not sure who, though," she admitted. "I don't know them for certain, but they do look a little familiar." She shrugged. We stopped at my room and I placed my hand on the doorknob. Andy bit her lower lip and she reached up the pull her long braid over her shoulder. She locked eyes with me. "Did Bella sleep with you last night?"

I nodded. "She's sick this morning—"

"Again?" Andy asked, looking shocked. And then I remembered that pregnant women were always sick in the morning.

I nodded once again. "I was just heading down to get her some gingerbeer." Andy opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it quickly. She nodded and smiled encouraging. "Meet me back here?" I asked opening my door slightly, just enough so Andy could see Bella.

Andy nodded and peered into my room. When the two of them fought, it was usually Andy who went crawling back after just a few hours. But this time it had been days and I knew that my middle sister would want to see her best friend in a peaceful state.

I slipped into my room after Andy gave me a small smile and walked away, satisfied that I could help her out just a bit.

I dressed quickly and apologized to a very demanding older sister several times for not having her gingerbeer. When I slipped back out of the room, Andy was already waiting for me. She was dressed in a simple floral halter dress and wore flats for shoes. Her braid was still resting over her shoulders and she had stuck a sunflower into her hair.

I giggled and poked at the flower as she swatted at my hand, then looked down at the dress I had picked. It was a green sundress with thick straps. I had slipped my feet into white sandals. The curls in my hair from last night had remained in tact. I had run a brush through them quickly, softening them. They hung just slightly passed my shoulders.

"Nice choice," she said approvingly.

I grinned and she rolled her eyes. We headed down the hallway, rounded the corner (I avoided glimpsing in the mirror) and then descended the stairs. The stairs emptied out next to the drawing room, into the foyer. We took a left and I stopped in my tracks. I reached out and grabbed my sister's arm, gripping it tightly. Just feet from us, standing right outside my father's study, was the man I'd been snogging last night. But, in this light, he wasn't a man at all – he was a _young_ man.

"That's him," I whispered, not taking my eyes off of him.

"Who?" Andy whispered, leaning toward me. Her lips brushed up against some of my hair.

"The boy I was snogging last night!" I whispered back in a hurried tone.

And, as if he'd heard me, he turned his head in our direction. He looked shocked for a moment, but then he broke out into a smile and chuckled to himself. He shook his head and looked back into my father's study. Seconds later, he stepped into the room

"Was he the one who gave you that hickey?" Andy asked after he had disappeared.

"What hickey!" I exclaimed.

Andy giggled and pushed back the hair on my right side. Then she brushed her finger against the spot on my neck, indicating where there was some discoloring. "Want me to heal it?" she asked. Andy was an excellent healer and had actually expressed interest in working St. Mungo's as a Healer, but when she had approached our father about it, he had laughed in her face.

"Please!" I said. "If Daddy sees it…"

Within a second, Andy had whispered a spell, pointing her wand at my neck. I saw a flash of light come out of the end of her wand and then it hit me. It didn't hurt; it only felt a little warm against my skin. Then she dropped my hair back against my neck.

"Did you have sex with him?" she asked suddenly.

I swung my head around, my lips parted slightly. "No!" I replied forcefully. Then I dropped my gaze. "Almost…"

_I wanted to,_ I added to myself. I looked back up at my sister.

"What stopped you?" Andy pushed. She was the reasonable one out of us all. If Bella didn't like something, she grew very angry and she was almost scary. If Andy didn't like something, she tried to find the positive out of the situation. She never judged and for that, I loved her. If I didn't like something, I kept my thoughts to myself and pushed the bad feelings down.

"Bella," I said with a half-laugh. "She walked in on us."

Andy smiled softly. "She's good for that. Do you remember when I was dating Alexander Nott? Well, we both faked a sickness one day to _finally_ have sex – I mean, we'd been dating for two years and wanted to try it," she explained. "Anyway, somehow Bella found out that both of us were missing from classes. She put the pieces together and… well, I'm sure you can imagine what happened after that." She began to laugh and I smiled at her story, happy that my middle sister was finally sharing her secrets with me. Then she composed herself and looked at me with a half-serious face. "Why did you want to have sex with him?"

I shrugged. But I knew the real reason: I had felt so restless last night. I had to do _something_. I had to do something to make myself feel alive, like _I_ was still alive. But I knew neither of my sister's would understand. They didn't know that I still blamed myself for our mother dying a horrible death. They didn't know I punished myself for it, either. It was just too much to explain, so I shrugged once again.

"Listen, Andy," I said, beginning to slide away from her, "I would love to chat about all of this, but Bella is really sick and I… I need to take care of her. Once she's feeling peachy, I promise I'll come to you and we can talk about boys and sex and snogging and everything. Okay?"

But I didn't wait for her to answer. Instead, I spun around and headed down the hallway. The main door to the kitchen (which was located at the back of the basement) was in the family room, which used to be the nursery. I quickened my pace as I skirted by my father's study.

"Narcissa!"

I stopped and closed my eyes. I bit my bottom lip. I hoped it had been Andromeda who'd called out to me, but there was no mistaking my father's deep voice. I balled my hands into fists and turned around slowly. My father was just stepping out of his office when I moved toward it.

"Daddy," I said brightly, beaming up at him. I unclenched my fists.

He held out his arm and I stepped up to him. He turned to stand next to me and placed his hand on the small of my back. "Come with me, dear," he said, smiling at me. He steered me into his office and I did my best to avoid looking at the young man I'd snogged last night. But, I gave in once I realized that he was staring at me and offered him a small smile.

My father stepped out from behind me. He walked behind his desk and looked at the other, older man in the room. "Gentlemen, this is my daughter," he said proudly, "Narcissa." He looked at me with a smile and winked. "Cissy, this is Abraxas Malfoy and his son, Lucius."


	7. Black Secrets, Part 2

**Chapter Seven: Black Secrets, Part 2  
**

I extended my hand out, first, to Abraxas Malfoy and then to his son: my mystery boy, Lucius. His hand was smooth and he had a firm grasp on my delicate, slim hand. He hung onto my hand for a moment longer than one usually shook hands and I offered him a kind smile.

Inside, however, I was horribly embarrassed. I had snogged (and almost shagged) a mysterious boy last night without knowing anything about him – not even his name! (Though, last night, I couldn't have cared less about anything or anyone, myself included.) Then he turns up in my house, where my father introduces us and is obviously proud to present me. I could only imagine the thoughts running through this Lucius' mind: "_Daddy's perfect princess; daddy's little whore—a disgrace to her family_". He had blackmail on me already and I'd only just met him. And if my father found out about last night—

I took a deep breath, pushing my thoughts aside, and turned to face my father. I murmured an "excuse me" to the… ah, Malfoys… and swiftly approached my father's desk.

"Daddy," I said a quiet voice. "I need to take care of Bella. She's sick this morning, in my room—"

"Andromeda can do it," my father suggested. He pointed toward the door. I turned to see Andy standing in the doorway. "Andromeda, love; come here, will you?" He waved her into his office.

I bit my lip and stepped aside as Andy entered the room, politely smiling at our guests. I saw her lips move in a small manner and I knew that she was muttering a hello. My father stepped out from behind his desk and placed his hand on the small of Andy's back when she reached him.

"Gentlemen," my father said (proudly, again), "this is my second-eldest daughter, Andromeda. Abraxas, you might remember her from your fair-well party; and my eldest daughter, Bellatrix, who's apparently a bit sick this morning, I'm afraid. Narcissa wasn't old enough to attend the party and I'm not sure you met her before you left…."

_Fair-well party? Before they left?_ Then I remembered Andy saying that the boy looked a bit familiar. I was staring so intensely at Lucius that when he looked at me, I realized I was being rude. I blushed and looked away. I couldn't for the life of me remember this boy… young man at all. I supposed that I had been too young to remember, if we'd met at all.

"Cissy, is that alright?" Andy's soft, calm voice snapped me back to reality. I turned my head to look at her (realizing that I'd been staring at Lucius again) and raised my eyebrows in questioning.

My father took a deep breath. He took a step toward me. "Andromeda will take care of your sister," he explained. "Why don't you take Lucius for a turn around the gardens? I have some business to discuss with Abraxas here." He gestured towards my _no-longer-a- mystery_ boy. "Lucius will be starting his seventh year at Hogwarts, so you can tell him all about the school."

This made sense because the Malfoys had just moved back here from… It occurred to me that I didn't know where from they had moved.

I nodded in response to what my father had said. "Certainly, Daddy," I said, smiling. He smiled back and then kissed my forehead. Oh, the dirt this Malfoy boy had on me…. I almost winced. I peered around my father and looked at Andy. "Gingerbeer," I told her and she nodded firmly; then headed out of the room.

My father placed his hand on my back and gave me a small shove forward. I shot him a dark look over my shoulder, which he paid no mind too, and I walked up to Lucius briskly.

"Shall we?" I asked more coldly than I had intended.

He smirked, but nodded. We waved a farewell to our fathers and then headed out of the room. I walked the short distance down the rest of the hallway to the doors that led outside. I stepped outside in the sunshine and heard Lucius close the door after he'd stepped out.

He stepped up beside me and I led him across the stone deck and down the stairs. The gardens were at the side of the house, so I took the path that led to them. The air was awkward between us and I struggled to think of something to say. There were lots of conversations starters, but the only one that I desperately wanted to use was the one where I begged him not to tell my father that I acted like a whore at the ball. However, if he knew how much this was bugging me, then he would certainly use it against me. He seemed like that type of person.

"So," I finally said, breaking the silence, "you've moved back to this area?" We had reached the gardens and were now walking through them. I took him on the path I usually walked at night. I looked up at Lucius with a curious look.

He nodded. "We moved when I was five," he explained. "My mother was from France…. I suppose she got homesick and the next thing I knew, I had to learn French. She had my father wrapped around her finger."

I smiled and gave a small laugh. His mother sounded delightful. "Where is your mother now?" I asked. I looked ahead and my heart jumped out of my chest when a rabbit bound across the path in front of us. I did my best to conceal my reaction.

"She passed away."

I stopped in my tracks. Lucius kept walking for a few strides, but when he realized I had stopped, he, too, stopped and turned to face me. I stared up into his face. I studied his features briefly before locked eyes with him. I forced myself to walk up to him. We settled back into a slow, measured walk. I reached down to pick at the leaves on the small hedges.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out finally. "I… no one… I—I wasn't—"

Merlin, this was difficult! But he seemed to be okay with it. "It's alright," he replied and I looked up at him once again. He offered me a smile; shouldn't _I_ be the one comforting _him_? "It's better, I think. She's not suffering anymore. I hated to see her in pain."

I nodded in agreement, though I pushed the images of my own mother to the back of my mind. "What did she die from? If you don't mind my asking," I added quickly.

Lucius shook his head. "Not at all." He reached down and plucked a rose from a rosebush. He handed it to me. I took it with a small smile. We walked in silence for a few moments before he spoke again. "She died from some aggressive form of what's traditionally a Muggle disease. They call it 'cancer'. The Healers in France gave her some potions to help kill off the bad batch of the disease, but… in the end, it didn't help. They just made her sick and tired and weak – plus the Healers didn't understand it so, it they weren't helping all that much. She didn't want to live out of the remainder of her life like that, so she stopped the treatments."

"I'm sorry," I said automatically. I looked down at the red rose he'd handed to me and I spun it between my fingers. "That must have been difficult on you and your father." I looked back up at him, but he was staring straight ahead.

He shrugged and glanced down at me. "Not so much, actually," he reflected. "She didn't want us to be upset about it. In fact, we didn't have a funeral – we threw a party because that's what she wanted: to have her life celebrated, not mourned."

I smiled at this. "Well, she sounds as if she would have been a delightful person to be around," I said.

Lucius looked down at me and smiled. "She was," he said fondly. "She really was."

We had walked through the gardens once before the heat got to us. I led Lucius to the front yard, under a big oak tree. We sat down on the bench under the tree, giving our feet a rest. There was a slight breeze, which made it the perfect afternoon in the shade.

I set the rose in my lap. I gazed down at it. "My middle name is Rose," I said absently to Lucius.

"Narcissa Rose," he repeated and I looked up at him. "That's pretty." He smiled.

I smiled back and turned to face him. "Mmm, thank you," I replied. "And your middle name?" I gazed up at him, my lips parted slightly. I suddenly wanted to know more and more about him.

He gave a half-laugh. He seemed unwilling and I was planning on pestering him more until he opened his mouth. "Amadeus," he said, sliding his gaze away from me.

_Lucius Amadeus_. I repeated the name over in my head several times. I smiled at him. "I like that," I decided

"That's a relief," he murmured and I gave him a dark look. He looked away from me and I almost asked what he was thinking when I realized that I was being extremely overbearing and probably rude. I turned away from him again, thinking he'd grown annoyed with me, and scooted further away from him on the bench.

We sat in silence. I wanted to get up and leave; hadn't I embarrassed myself enough? But I knew that it would have been rude and my father would certainly disapprove. I'd forgotten to talk with him about Hogwarts. I was about to when he spoke first.

"Where's your mother?"

I froze. I thought that since we had already discussed his mother and he'd never brought up my mother after then I was off the hook. The instinct to run was a strong one; I'd been running from this for so long, it came naturally now. I guess there was nothing other to do than talk.

"She's visiting her mother in Italy this summer," I lied, looking down at the grass. "Her mother's very ill."

_Italy?_ I asked myself. My mother did not look like an Italian nor did she have Italian blood. And I'd only met my grandmother, her mother, when I was too young to remember.

"Italy," Lucius repeated and I looked up at him, wondering if he saw through my fib. I nodded. "What's your grandmother sick with?"

Of course he would ask this. I needed to answer quickly, but not too quickly, or else he'd know it was all a lie. "Dragon Pox," I continued to lie. Then I stood up abruptly and turned to look down at the young man before me. He gazed up at me with his smoky blue eyes that were truly captivating. His face was so smooth, yet one could tell that he'd experienced a lot through his life; his face was almost what I would call 'weathered', but not quite. I didn't know how to call it. My thoughts were lost for a brief moment and I shook my head ever so slightly to bring myself back to reality. "Do you mind if we head inside now? I'm getting awfully hot…."

Lucius nodded and stood up. I quickly turned away from him as he did so. I began to lead us back to the house, the rose still in my grasp. It wouldn't have been proper to discard it or leave it behind.

"So, I probably shouldn't kiss you goodbye," he said as we ascended the front stairs.

I spun around sharply. "Excuse me?" I asked, eyeing him.

He smirked. "I meant on the cheek," he explained. "It's how I was taught to depart from a lady friend. But, I was thinking with last night and all…" He let his words hand on the air as I stared down at him.

"Oh," I finally said, looking down. "Well, no, right… you're correct. Just a kiss on the hand will suffice, I'm sure—oh, please don't tell my father about last night!" I couldn't hold it in any longer and I mentally kicked myself for breaking down. What had gotten into me?

Lucius gave me a blank stare. Then he tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes at me. "Tell your father what?"

It took a moment for me to realize his joke. At first, I was morbidly insulted. I had never been told that I was rubbish at snogging, especially not to my face (if it were true.) I had to suppress the reflex to slap him across the face. Then I thought he'd been too drunk to remember snogging me. But, after I briefly thought about our time last night, I realized that he'd been perfectly sober (which is when I understood his joke). I smiled and he winked.

When we reached the inside of the house, I stopped in the foyer. "Well, Mr. Malfoy, it was very nice to meet you," I drawled, hopefully loudly enough for my father to hear from his study. "I hope you enjoy your time here. I'm sure we'll see each other again."

He reached for my hand and brought it to his lips. He locked eyes with me the entire time and I could feel the heat slowly rising to my cheeks. His lips felt wonderful on my hand. For some absurd reason, he made me nervous. I ducked my head so he wouldn't see the smile on my face.

"Call me Lucius, Miss Black," he said softly as he gave me back my arm. "I believe we'll be holding our own ball, so your family will most likely be receiving an invitation."

I nodded. "You may call me—"

"Narcissa!"

I looked over to see my father striding briskly toward us. I turned to face him. He looked angered and I tried to think of what I'd done to make him upset.

"Lucius," he said to the young man beside me, "I don't mean to be rude, but I need to speak with my daughter."

Lucius nodded and my father grabbed my hand. He pulled me aside and lowered his voice. "You need to go upstairs," he said. "Your sisters are at it. It's embarrassing! They need to stop fighting _now_! Do you understand me?"

I nodded quickly. "Yes, Daddy," I said quietly. "I'll tend to them this instant."

He reached up to touch the side of my face. He smiled. "That's my princess," he said and then he kissed my cheek.

I slipped away from him and headed to the stairs. I glanced over at Lucius, offering him a smile. He returned it, but then my father called him away. I bounded up the stairs and then ran down to my bedroom, where I could hear Bella and Andy screaming.

I opened the door to my bedroom and their cries reached my ears full blast. I winced at their voices and took in the scene around me. Bella was standing on the edge of my bed, glaring down at Andy. Andy looked just as pissed off as our older sister did; they didn't notice me staring at me.

"Why won't you talk to me?" Andy shouted desperately. "I'm your _best friend_; stop shutting me out!"

"Fuck off, Andromeda!" Bella screeched. She stepped down from the bed, her face close to Andy's. If that had been me, I would have run from my own room. "None of it is your business! Just leave it alone."

Andy looked like she was on the verge of tears. She opened her mouth to say something, but then she just screamed and shoved Bella backward. I watched, frozen, as Bella fell to my bed. I'm sure my father could hear everything… he'd be upset with me that I wasn't going my job.

"Andy!" I yelled, marching in the room. Both of my sisters looked at me. Bella straightened, watched me briefly, but then turned her attention back to Andy. "Bella! Don't!"

But there was no stopping Bella when she was on a rampage. Sometimes, I even thought her physical duels were worse than her magical duels…. I stepped back, knowing that I couldn't come between them. I bit the bottom of my lip nervously, feeling useless and quite daft.

There was lots of screaming and yelling. There was hair pulling and scratching on Andy's part; punches and slaps and bites on Bella's end. I watched fearfully and wondered briefly if I should stop them with my wand. I decided against it because the consequences after the fact wouldn't be good.

Bella had grabbed Andy's midsection, but was in an awkward position to get out of. I watched as Andy raised her knee to Bella's stomach (in an attempt to get our sister off of her) and jabbed it roughly into her stomach. I could only think of one this as I watched in horror:

"The baby, Bella!" I screamed and then I covered my mouth instantly. I'd broken my promise to my sister.

Bella stumbled back and took her only seconds to regain her breath. She looked up at me with such hatred. I glanced nervously at Andy, who looked shocked. Her hair was a mess and stray hairs stuck out from her braid. I looked back at Bella, who was still glaring at me. She marched up to me and I took my hand away from my mouth in case I needed to defend myself.

Bella stopped in front of me, her eyes dark and menacing. I swallowed and opened my mouth to speak, but then I saw her hand out of the corner of my eye. She hit me across the face and the sound echoed around the room. My hand instantly went to cool the stinging that radiated over my cheek.

"Bellatrix."

I turned around to see my father standing in the doorway. He looked grim. He beckoned Bella forth. "Come with me to my study. _Now,_" he demanded in a quiet voice.

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**Author's Note:** Hope this update was alright. Here is something one of my readers (xoxLewrahxox) made me for this story/my birthday:

http : / / i53 . tinypic . com / 25zo4g1 . jpg (just remove the spaces)


	8. Calm Before The Storm

**Author's Note:** Hello, all! Firstly (as always) I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter; and I'd also like to thank everyone who silent alerted the story. It means the world. =D I hope you'll continue to enjoy the story.

Now... onto next matter. It's been almost 2 MONTHS since my last update! =O

*blushes*

I've rewritten a good amount of this story (chapters not posted, obviously), which is partly why it's taken forever for an update. But also SCHOOL got in the way. *glares* And I didn't want to bog down my main beta since she's also in school, so... yes. My friend, Inkfire (Az), offered to beta a few chapters, knowing my situation. So I'd really like to thank her for that; she's such a doll. x3

Hmm, okay... I think that's it. Enjoy it! (Btw, I know the story's been lagging lately. =\ It'll get more interesting with the next chapter.)

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Calm Before The Calm**

Bella brushed by me, purposefully knocking me with her shoulder. She was seething mad and the glare never left her face. She left the room quickly. My father looked at his remaining two daughters, his eyebrows up. Then he, too, turned away from the room. Moments later, I heard Bella scream at him not to touch her.

I felt a hand on my arm and I jumped. My breath caught in my throat and I turned to the side to see Andy standing next to me. "Are you alright?" she asked gently. When I nodded, she leaned over to kiss my red cheek anyway. When we were younger, she was always the one who'd kiss my cuts or bruises when our mother wasn't around. "Bella is pregnant." It was more a statement than a question, but I nodded again. "I don't know why she didn't tell me, but she told you…. _I'm_ her best friend; why would she hide something like that from me?"

The words stung, even though I knew this was the truth. Still, it hurt that she had said it so bluntly. But she also seemed a tad jealous, which made me slightly happy. I knew something about Bella before she did…. I smiled.

"Come on," Andy said, reaching down to grab my hand. She began to drag me out of my room. "I want to listen."

We hurried down the short hallway and peered carefully around the corner, down the stairs. Bella and Daddy were just reaching the foyer. We waited until they were out of sight and then slowly descended the stairs. Andy led the way, her sweaty hand gripping mine the entire time. When we reached the foyer, I heard the door to my father's study close. Elegantly and swiftly (like we had perfected over the years), we ran across to my father's study and waited right by the door. We faced each other, our heads bent down together.

"Would you please explain yourself?" my father asked.

There was a moment of silence. "I'm sorry I hit your _princess_," Bella replied, referring to me. "But she made me highly upset. She deserved it."

My father let out a sigh. "And why, pray tell, did your sister make you upset?" He was playing her game.

"Because." It was short and laced with rebellion. This answer was sufficient for Bellatrix, not for my father.

"What did she say to make you angry?" There was a pause, but Bella didn't answer. "If I'm not mistaken, Bellatrix, I could have sworn I heard Narcissa say, 'The baby, Bella'." There was a long moment of silence. "Bellatrix. Answer me now and honestly: are you pregnant?"

There was no noise for a while and then I heard a book being tossed across the room. I glanced at my other sister, but she was concentrating on trying to hear anything.

"Damn it, Bellatrix!" my father suddenly shouted. I winced. "This is a shame on our family and the Black name! How could you do this? You—" He suddenly stopped speaking. It was quiet a very long time (at least, I thought it was.) When my father spoke again, his voice was calm and reasonable. "Is Rodolphus the father?" There was a mumbled response and then, "Good. Very good."

My father liked Rodolphus. He was the first boyfriend that my father actually approved of and it was a wonder that Bella was still with him (merely for the simple fact that my father approved of Rodolphus.) Rodolphus was my favorite of her boyfriends. He treated my eldest sister well and was constantly turning up with little gifts for reasons like "it's Friday" or "just because". It was sweet and I sometimes thought Bella grew sick of the sweetness, but I always noticed her trying to suppress the fond smile that appeared on her face whenever he was around.

Bella was eleven when she had her first boyfriend. She met him on the train going to Hogwarts and they started dating a week later. They lasted for three days. Bella broke up with him because he tried to hold her hand. Her second boyfriend wasn't really a boyfriend at all; it was more of an infatuation. He'd been a second year whilst she was a first and they met, again, on the Hogwarts Express. This time it was coming home. He had kissed her hand on the platform and they had written over the summer. She walked around in a daze, claiming she was "in love". But, when Bella went to a ball that summer, she met Augustus Rookwood. She vowed not to date him until they knew each other. When they had turned fourteen, that's when they began to date. And shortly after my mother passed away, she began to cheat on him with Rodolphus (which, at first, didn't go well in my father's eyes.) Later we found out that Augustus had been very controlling over Bella and he'd even hit her (more than once). (She had lost her virginity to Rookwood, but wouldn't tell us if it was forced or not. Only my mother knew the truth.) She had turned to Rodolphus for comfort (and eventually, help) because he knew the situation and had been trying to help Bella. That was the Knight In Shining Armor moment for my father.

But Bella hadn't dated Rodolphus right away. That's when she began to drink and sleep around. It wasn't until six months after she'd turned eighteen that she slept with Rodolphus and then they started dating.

"No!" I heard Bella scream, bringing me from my thoughts. "Father, no! That's not fair! I… _no_!"

I looked over at Andy, who shook her head. Apparently, she hadn't heard the reason why Bella was so upset.

"I had this all planned out!" Bella continued to screech. "And then that stupid whore of a sister... she's the one you should be worried about, Father! Your perfect angel... Oh, you make me so angry! _I'm not marrying Rodolphus!_"

I froze when my sister mentioned me. Would she tell him about last night? Of course she would! I had essentially told our father about her pregnancy; she'd scoop up any dirt on me and throw it in his face, just to deter the pressure away from herself. I bit my lip.

"Bellatrix!" my father boomed. I could feel the vibrations of his voice through the floor. I looked up nervously at Andy, who reached out to take my hand. She gave it a squeeze. "You are marrying Rodolphus! He is the father of your child! This is the right thing to do. A child needs both a mother and a father. You will marry him!"

"Father—"

"This is not up for discussion, Bellatrix! You and I will be having dinner in town with Rodolphus so you can't cause a scene. Does he know about the baby?" Another pause, but I knew Bella was muttering her responses. "No? You'll tell him tonight… I can't believe you haven't told him… how far along are you?… _Two months_? Oh, Merlin, Bellatrix…"

It was quiet in my father's study again; at least, we couldn't hear any conversation. Then I heard Bella's heels clicking along the hardwood floor. Andy and I backed away from the door, but didn't leave. The door opened; Bella looked defeated. She glared at me and then she turned to Andy with tears in her eyes. It was the first time in two years I'd seen Bella cry – and it was all because of me.

Andy rushed up to Bella and took her in her arms. She smoothed my sister's unruly hair down and kissed her head. "It's okay, sweetie," she said softly. Andy then turned her face to look at our father. I peered past them to see my father sitting on his desk, writing.

"Papa," Andy called out as she attempted to comfort Bella. My father looked up. "Please reconsider. Bella's too young. She—"

"She's twenty, Andromeda," he said tightly. "It's about time she settles down. And I am not discussing this with you or Narcissa. This is between Bellatrix and me... and Rodolphus."

"You won't even let her speak!" Andy shot at him. A flash of anger waved over his face and Bella's shoulders shook. Andy turned her attention back to our older sister. She kissed Bella's head again. "It's okay… come on, sweetie. Let's go lie down, huh? It's just you and me now, Bells."

Bella sniffed and lifted her gaze up. She nodded and turned around. As she walked from the hallway with Andy, she gave me another dark look over her shoulder. She mouthed the word "bitch" and chills slithered down my spine. I stood motionless in the hallway, my attention turned back to my father. He was back to scribbling something down with a quill. When he finished, he sealed up the letter and stood up. He spotted me and paused for a second.

"Narcissa," he said cheerfully as he stepped around his desk. He walked out to me in the hallway and caught my elbow. "Come walk with me, will you?"

And, for perhaps the first time in my life, I disobeyed my father. I ripped my elbow from him and turned in the opposite direction. I ran through the house, bounded up the stairs and headed down to my room.

I slipped quietly into my room. I leaned my back against the door and took a deep, shaky breath. Then I marched to my bathroom, where my closet was conveniently located. I slid the doors open and filtered through my clothes. I found a breezy skirt and a simple, but elegant tank top. I quickly changed and strapped a pair of heels to my feet. I was fixing my make-up when I heard a knock at my door. I paused, but remained silent. I went back to my work when there came a second knock.

I gritted my teeth, but still remained silent.

"Cissy?" Andromeda called out from inside my room.

I stepped from the bathroom, giving my intruder a nasty look. "Get out," I demanded, glaring at Andy.

"Cissy, I want to talk with you," she said softly.

I rolled my eyes. "Get out, Andromeda," I hissed. I retreated into my bathroom, resuming my work.

"Please," she begged, up to the doorway.

"You can talk," I said, glancing her way, "but it doesn't mean I'll listen or respond."

She was quiet; I knew she was weighing her options. She leaned against the doorframe; she was going to talk. She knew I would listen… and eventually reply, too, even if it were days from now.

"Bella is really upset," she began slowly. "She... she didn't want to have the child, Cissy. She had an appointment next week with the Healers at St. Mungo's to terminate the pregnancy. But, now Papa knows—"

_Because of me,_ I silently reminded myself as I curled my lashes. I tried to ignore the sinking of my heart when Andy mentioned the termination of our sister's pregnancy.

"—And he's forcing her to marry." Andy sighed. "She does love Rodolphus, but she doesn't want to be married… not yet. She doesn't want to be tied down—"

"Andromeda," I said icily, angrily throwing all of my things into a drawer. I turned to her. "Does this story have a point?" I honestly didn't understand why she was telling me all of this. Was she blaming me? I knew Bella did, that was very clear.

Andy looked up at me steadily. She took a breath. "I'm trying to explain to you why your sister is so upset," she replied just as coldly. "Do you not care?"

I rolled my eyes. I leaned on one leg, my hand on my hip. "Of course I care," I snapped. "She's my sister; I'll always care about her no matter what. I'm sorry that Daddy overheard what I said, okay? It's not like I knew he was out there! I thought he was still downstairs with Lucius and his father. And I… I didn't want the baby to get hurt!" I shook my head. "Bella didn't tell me _anything_ – only that she was pregnant and Rodolphus was the father. Nothing more. I didn't know about the… the _procedure_ to get rid of it…." I let my voice trail off.

Andy was quiet as she took in my words. Then she nodded and stood straight. She offered me a small smile that I didn't return. "Where are you going?" she asked. No matter how much I thought Andy didn't pay attention to me, she actually did; she was very observant.

I shrugged. "I'm going to see if Daddy will let me go to Diagon Alley. By myself," I added firmly. "I'll just tell him that I'm meeting Olivia." Olivia Parkinson was my best friend. I had dated her older brother, Tristan, for a little while before my mother was killed. (Well, it wasn't exactly _dating_. I wasn't allowed to date that young, but we were both fond of each other and had supervised time together.)

From what I understood, he still fancied me. I didn't like him anymore; I associated him with a time in my life that was horrible and I could never go back to him. Plus, he had had a steady girlfriend for the past year and they seemed very much in love (whatever _love_ was.) After him, I'd had sporadic relationships that didn't last long (much like Bella), but I only ever snogged those boys. For a brief time (two months), I had dated Rabastan Lestrange, at the beginning of my fifth year. But, it had been awkward dating the brother of my sister's boyfriend, so we both decided to call it off. After that, I didn't date anyone else. I just snogged several boys that were in my year or older than me

Andromeda walked up to me and kissed my forehead. Then she wrapped her arms around me in a hug that I couldn't refuse. "I love you, Cissy," she said. "Be careful, alright? Don't be gone too long."

I nodded against her, squeezing her firmly. "I love you, too." I pulled back from her.

"Tell Bella I love her, please. And I'm sorry." I forced a smile and when Andromeda nodded, I quietly slipped by her and walked from my room.

My father permitted me go to Diagon Alley by myself, but I was to be home before nightfall. He almost forced a house elf on me before I left, but I managed to sweet-talk my way out of that. He'd given me more galleons than I had asked to shop with and then I disappeared, using the Floo network. I landed right inside the Leaky Cauldron and then headed through the back. I tapped the bricks in the right order and it formed a doorway. I smiled and stepped through, onto the bustling street that was Diagon Alley.

I walked slowly and stopped to look at several items in windows. The sun was shining as I walked and while I heard some passer-bys complain about the heat, I enjoyed it. I wished there was a park somewhere off the street where I could lie out in the sun for the rest of the time before I headed home. Getting back to reality with a sigh, I decided that I might as well get started on school shopping. My first stop was Twilfitt & Tatting's to get my robes for school.

The bell chimed above me, and someone instantly popped out from the backroom, a grin plastered on the worker's face. It was Maria Twilfitt, the woman owner of the shop.

"Ms. Black!" she said brightly; she knew me from even before I attended Hogwarts.

"Hello," I said politely, stopping in front of her. "I'm here for some new school robes."

She laughed, but when she saw my serious face, she quickly contained her mannerisms. "School just barely ended, dear," she reminded me gently. "Surely you want to wait a bit—" she looked me up and down at this point— "to see if you finally grow into yourself." She smiled.

I _did_ look awkward. I was lanky – much too lanky – but no one ever seemed to really say much about my weight. I forced a smile. "I doubt I will," I said. "Besides, I'm not sure when I'll have time to come again. If I come when the other students are getting their robes, you may not have time for me, which would mean I would have to go to Madame Malkin's. Granted, she'll be able to get them done much more quickly, but the handiwork..." I let my sentence hang in the air. I blinked innocently at her.

Maria Twilfitt smiled and tucked a piece of her curly brown hair behind her ear. "Very true, love," she said in a quiet voice. "Step up on the block and I'll be right with you."  
I nodded and did as she said.

An hour later, I left Twilfitt and Tatting's with two new sets of robes. I smiled smugly as I left. I walked along the street and stopped in front of the Quidditch supply store. The newest, fastest broom was in the window – the RocketStar 1000. I imagined myself playing Quidditch, picturing myself as each position before I realized that the idea alone was ridiculous. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I went on my way. I was passing Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour when I heard someone call out to me.

I turned and saw Olivia Parkinson sitting outside of the ice cream shop, waving at me. Her brother was sitting at the table as well. I sauntered over to their table and smiled.

"Hey," I said casually.

Olivia stood up and quickly hugged me. "How are you, sweetie?" she asked me. She gestured to a seat and I took it.

I nodded and smiled. "Great," I replied. "How are you both?"

Tristan nodded and Olivia answered me. "We're great, too." She grinned. "We're just doing some last-minute shopping before we head to Greece for a month. I'll miss your birthday." She frowned.

I shrugged. "Don't worry about it," I said with an easy smile. "I'm sure we won't be doing anything much."

Olivia frowned. "That's why I'm upset." But then she smiled and her eyes sparkled. "But I'll be home a few days after. We can do something then. I have to be home for our debutante ball – can you believe we're coming out this year?"

I laughed. "I know. I wonder where the time went," I agreed. "Are you excited?"

Olivia nodded and then blushed. It wasn't a secret to our close group of friends that Olivia fancied Alexander Nott. However, Alexander was betrothed to a seventeen-year-old girl that attended Beauxbatons in France. Their relationship, though, was very open – Alexander and his girlfriend were both allowed to see other people before their wedding next summer.

"You'll have a wonderful time," I assured her, reaching out to place my hand over hers. I smiled, hoping to cheer her up. She smiled.

"Did you find an escort, Narcissa?" Tristan asked suddenly and I turned to look at him.

I hadn't, no, but I didn't have to tell Tristan that. I smiled easily and nodded. "Yes, I did. A colleague of my father, his son is escorting me," I lied. If he asked who it was, I'd make up a name and he hopefully wouldn't have a clue about whom I was talking.

He looked sour, but nodded. Then he offered me a smile. I turned my attention back to Olivia, ignoring him. "I should probably get moving," I said. I stood up, as did she, and we embraced in a hug. "Have a wonderful time in Greece."

"Thank you. I'll be sure to owl you on your birthday," Olivia promised. Then I headed off down Diagon Alley.


	9. Dinner & a Fight

**Author's Note:** Hey, everyone. Here is the next chapter. I don't really like it, but I'm hoping you all will... It's quite long... I combined two chapters. I know it's really, really slow-moving and I apologize profusely. Enjoy.

Thanks to Az (Inkfire) for beta-reading this one.

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Dinner & a Fight**

I hadn't received my class schedule for this coming year, so I wasn't able to buy my books. However, I figured that I could do with a few new school supplies – a new cauldron, new bottles of ink, new quills, some more parchment (apparently, they'd come out with colored parchment that smelt according to its color) and I thought that maybe I'd get myself a new owl. My owl, Muffin, was getting old. I decided to head over to Potage's Cauldron Shop.

Inside of the shop, it was dim and damp. I sighed, annoyed that some shopkeepers couldn't take proper care of their shops, and began to move around the small store. The owner, Potage, nodded in acknowledgment to me. He was a tall, dark-skinned half-blood. Without smiling at him, I turned away and started on my hunt. I was moving down an aisle, completely absorbed in reading about each cauldron when I bumped into someone. I jumped back, my hand over my heart.

"Oh, I'm so sor— Mr. Malfoy!" I exclaimed, even though I was addressing the Malfoy heir.

"Narcissa," Lucius said with a smile. I blushed and was suddenly thankful for the dimly lit shop. "It's a surprise to see you here."

"Is it?" I replied, more as a statement than a question. I titled my head to the side. "Why is that?"

Lucius chuckled. "I merely assumed you'd send someone else out to do your shopping," he responded, still smiling.

I laughed. "Did you now?" I asked haughtily. I looked at the shelf of cauldrons and found the exact one I was looking for. "You've got a lot to learn about women, then. Get that cauldron, by the way," I added, nodding to the same cauldron I had picked up. "You're shopping for school supplies, correct?" Lucius nodded. Then we headed up to the till to pay.

"So, enlighten me: what do I have to learn about women?" Lucius asked as we stepped out onto the street again.

I glanced at him with a smirk. "Shopping is our specialty," I explained to him as we walked slowly.

Lucius laughed. "Speaking of shopping," he began, "can you tell me where I can get fitted for school robes?"

I nodded, looking at him. "I usually go to Twilfitt and Tatting's," I replied. "I just went. Would you like me to take you there?"

"I'd like that very much." He smiled, and I returned it.

I led Lucius to the robe shop. He held the door open for me and we stepped into the shop. Hearing the bell, Maria Twilfitt came out from the back. She looked surprised to see me again.

"Ms. Black," she said once again, "is there a problem with your robes?" She glanced nervously at Lucius as she spoke.

I shook my head. "No, they're perfect," I assured her. "But this is my friend, Lucius Malfoy. He needs some robes."

"Malfoy," Maria mumbled. She turned to Lucius and smiled. "You can step up on the block and I'll go fetch Harold." Harold Tatting was the male owner of the shop. He was flamboyant in personality, looks and attire. Most people thought he was… well, let's just say that there were numerous rumors that he liked other men; but according to his close friends, he and Maria had been together (though unmarried) for quite some time now.

I sat down in a chair and looked at Lucius. He raised his eyebrows, and I smiled. He winked and I felt myself blush; no other man had ever made me feel like such a little girl as Lucius did. It was all very positive – he was flattering me, but I was always at a loss for words around him. I didn't want to be like that, but in the short amount of time we'd spent together, he already made me weak in the knees. I wanted to be more to him than the giggling schoolgirl or the school slut (or school tease, for that matter), but I just didn't know _how_.

"Malfoy!" Harold Tatting's voice boomed as he stepped from the back of the shop. We both turned our attention to him. His red, curly hair was all over the place. He wore a bright yellow suit and white dress shoes. I glanced at Lucius; he looked slightly shocked to see someone dressed the way Harold was.

"Sir," Lucius said, holding out his hand. Harold shook it enthusiastically.

"I knew your father," Harold said with a grin. "Maria and I had just opened up the shop when he started school. Good man, he is. I'll be sure to set you up with the finest robes. Why haven't you been in here before?"

"I've been in France for the past twelve years," Lucius replied.

Harold nodded and began to pull out his measuring tapes. I watched Harold work, but only as an excuse to flit my eyes over Lucius's body. I had felt his muscles just last night, but now I was taking the time to admire them. He was strong – anyone could tell. I could imagine him on the Quidditch team. I bet he was a wonderful player. My eyes drifted up to his face. He was smirking. He wasn't looking at me, but I knew that he'd seen me admiring him. I blushed and focused on Harold the rest of the time.

Lucius left the shop with four new sets of school robes. We headed back down Diagon Alley, side by side.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" I asked him.

He looked down at his wrist. "A little after five," he said. Then he added, "Let me make up last night to you."

"What?" I asked, my heart pounding, stopping to face him. He stopped also.

"I mean, let me take you out to dinner," he corrected. "To make up for last night."

I thought about it for a second. It wasn't near dusk at all and I hadn't eaten all day. Truthfully, I was hungry; if I had just a salad, I would be alright. Plus, I didn't want to leave him. Having him around made me feel different, more mature. (And I was enjoying my independence.) I was enjoying being away from my family. I didn't feel so suffocated.

Slowly, I nodded. "Okay," I agreed. "Dinner sounds lovely. There's a hotel up the way that has a great restaurant in it. Would you like to go there?"

"Any place you'd like."

I gave Lucius a coy smile. "Okay. Let's go there, then."

Lucius nodded and offered me his arm. I took it willingly.

_oooOOOooo_

Having dinner with Lucius wasn't as awkward as I'd thought it would be. He ordered a bottle of elf-made wine for us to split and it loosened me up just a bit. There wasn't a dull moment in the evening and it was the first time in three years that I had felt so alive.

I just finished telling Lucius a story about the time Bellatrix flashed the seventh year's boys' dormitories in her fifth year, just to become a Prefect (and it had worked), when a waiter approached our table with a tray of desserts. Luckily, he found it hilarious. (Tristan had found the story revolting.)

"I guess she knows the _real_ way to work her up the ladder, hmm?" he said with a wink. I regarded him for a moment before smiling and nodding. He turned to the waiter. "Tiramisu for me and…" He looked at me, waiting for me to pick out my dessert.

I shook my head. "Oh, I'm alright, thank you," I said politely to the young waiter. I avoided looking at Lucius. He was buying dinner and all I'd had to eat was half of a salad and one breadstick.

The waiter gave Lucius his dessert and then walked away. I forced myself to look at my date, glancing briefly at his dessert.

"Do you like tiramisu?" he asked, looking expectantly at me.

I nodded slowly and blushed. I knew where this was going to go. He was going to scold me for not getting dessert, for barely eating my dinner. "Yes."

"Would you like some of mine?" he pushed.

I gave him a surprised look. But then I realized that this was not my sister nor Olivia; he wasn't someone close to me at all despite the fact it felt like I'd known him my entire life. I glanced down the brown-and-white dessert and the chocolate syrup glazed over the top. I knew I should say 'no', but I couldn't. Lucius _was_ buying my dinner, after all; I should appreciate it more.

So I nodded and met his gaze. "Just a small bite, though," I said quickly.

He smiled. I thought he was going to just cut me off a small piece and pass it over. But I watched him as he stood up, grabbed his plate and moved to sit next to me, dragging his chair. I smiled at him when he sat down beside me. I went to reach for my fork, but the waiter had taken it when he took my dinner away.

"I don't have a fork," I told Lucius.

"That's alright," he said. "Just use mine."

I narrowed my eyes at him slightly. "You don't mind?" I asked.

He laughed and shook his head. "Unless you have some sort of disease I should have been warned about," he replied. "Which, in that case, you should have told me last night." He winked.

I smirked. "No, no diseases."

"Good. Here: have a bite."

Lucius raised his fork with a sliver of tiramisu on it. I leaned forward and opened my mouth, feeling only a little awkward. The tiramisu was wonderful; it had been so long since I'd had any. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to get the full taste of the dessert.

"By your reaction, I take it that their tiramisu is excellent," I heard Lucius say.

I opened my eyes and nodded. He was smirking and I looked away from him to keep myself from giggling. I finished chewing, letting the coffee taste cover my taste buds completely, and wiped my mouth before I turned to look at him.

"It's delicious," I assured him and he smiled.

We were out of the restaurant twenty minutes later. I tried to pay part of the tab, but Lucius refused and he even carried my shopping bags out of the restaurant as we left.

"I should probably go," I said reluctantly. I stopped and turned to face him. "Thank you for dinner."

"You're welcome," he said with a smile. "Maybe you could return the favor some time."

I eyed him before smirking and rolling my eyes. "You're a sneak," I stated. I leaned toward him to grab the long bag that contained my new school robes. But he caught me off guard by lowering his head down to me and brushing his lips against mine. I paused for a second, my eyes open, slightly taken aback. Lucius's lips were light on mine and I knew that he was waiting for me to reciprocate. It took me a moment to gather my will, but I stepped closer to him, pushing my lips hard against his. I closed my eyes and reached up to wrap my arms around his neck. We stayed like that for a moment before pulling apart at the same time. I looked up at him, my arms still around his neck, my fingers playing with his hair.

"Do you still think I'm sneaky?" he asked, smirking.

I nodded. "Yes," I replied firmly. "But I rather like sneaky kisses."

Lucius chuckled. "You Black sisters are wild, aren't you?"

I laughed. "Only when Daddy lets us out."

Lucius dropped his head to my neck and kissed it gently. "You're supposed to be respectable, pureblood women," he purred. He leaned back to meet my gaze.

"Well you certainly aren't helping me, are you?" I retorted playfully. "Plus, you know aristocrats; it's all sex, parties, gossip and scandal."

Lucius laughed and nodded. The sound of a child bursting into laughter reminded me that we were standing in the middle of Diagon Alley. I quickly pushed myself away from Lucius, hoping that no one I'd known had seen us entwined.

"I really should go," I repeated.

He seemed to understand and nodded once more. He handed me my shopping bags. "It was nice to see you. Thank you for helping me today."

I nodded. "You're welcome. Thank you, again, for dinner. It was lovely." I paused and looked down the street briefly. "I'm sure I'll see you again before school begins. Have a good night." I smiled at him.

"You, too, Narcissa," he said.

I nodded and then departed him.

_oooOOOooo_

I arrived back into my own room with just a small stumble. I put my things on the bed. My bedroom door was open and I walked over to close it. I peeked out into the hallway, just from habit and slight curiosity. I saw Bella walking out of her room. She gave a glance down the hall. I quickly ducked back into my room, hoping she hadn't seen me, and closed the door.

Seconds later, my bedroom door burst open as I unpacked. The blood boiled in my veins, but I did my best to keep my temper under control. I would only enrage Bella more and who knew what she would do. Plus, I didn't want to hurt the baby.

"You're home early," she stated from behind me.

I glanced over my shoulder. "Mmhmm," I said indifferently. If I didn't give her any fuel, she would back off and go away.

There was silence and, for one hopeful moment, I thought she had left. But when I turned around to check, she was still standing in my room. She smirked at me.

"I heard you have a dirty little secret," she said playfully, giving me a wicked stare. I hated playing with fire with my eldest sister; she was always pushing to see just how big the fire could get.

I sighed, irritated, and decided to play her game. If I cooperated with dry and sullen responses, she might leave. I rested all of my weight on one of my legs and put my hands on my hips. I remember then that I was wearing a night slip that wasn't mine. I had never quite figured out how it had gotten on me, but it must have been sometime at Malfoy manor...

"What's my secret?" I asked my sister dryly.

Bellatrix gave a throaty laugh, grinning. "I heard you were snogging some strange guy in the middle of Diagon Alley today," she told me.

I stared at her blankly, but inside I was kicking myself. Someone had seen us. But _who_? I bit my bottom lip, giving my true feelings away

"Oh my... Cissy," she said in a light mocking tone, her eyes wide. "You must be so _embarrassed_."

I bristled and straightened, giving her a hard stare. "Why would I be embarrassed?" I asked, struggling to keep my tone even.

Bellatrix giggled. "Because," she said slowly, "everyone will think you're a whore. The perfect Black princess, snogging a strange man in the street. I wonder if he's paying her – that's what they'll say!"

Her words felt like a slap in the face. I glared at her, suddenly very angry. She had no right to accuse me of being a tramp. "You're the whore, Bella!" I snapped at her. "_I _don't lie on my back and open my legs for anything with a penis! I'll say what Daddy was afraid to say: you're a disgrace on the family, getting pregnant out of wedlock! That's what whores do! Are you even sure that baby is Rodolphus's?"

"You little—" she began as she lunged toward me. But I saw Andromeda appear in the doorway and call out:

"_Protego!"_

Bellatrix couldn't reach me now, but I still backed away from her. She stopped, seething, her hands now balled on her sides. Andromeda stepped into the room and walked slowly up to our older sister. She gently touched her shoulder and Bellatrix spun around, knocking Andromeda's hand away.

"You bitch!" she screeched.

"Bellatrix!" Andromeda yelled. "Get out of here. Get out of here now! Stop tormenting Cissy! Leave… _now_!"

For once, my older sister did as she was told. She threw me one last glare before stalking out of the room, mumbling under her breath. I heard a door slam a few seconds later and jumped slightly. Andromeda removed the shielding charm and stepped up to me.  
"Are you alright, love?" she asked gently, checking me over.

I nodded and moved away from her. "I'm fine," I said stiffly. I stared at my door, waiting for Bellatrix to return.

"I heard everything she said," Andromeda said from beside me and I listened, my eyes still staring hard at my door. "Cissy, it was wrong… all of it. But Bella is _really_ angry," she continued, her voice a whisper. I turned to face her. She had tears in her eyes. "She's so upset. She doesn't mean what she says—"

"Stop it," I said quickly and sharply. She looked taken aback. "Stop making excuses for her! You always do! If Bella truly didn't mean half you things you say she doesn't, then she wouldn't continue to say them. So, please, _stop_… just leave me alone."

I was on the verge of tears now, but I would not allow myself to cry. And I most certainly wouldn't allow my sister, the peacekeeper, the satisfaction of seeing me cry. She stared at me for a while before wiping away the tears from my face. She nodded curtly and turned around. When she reached the door, she faced me again.

"I love you, Cissy," she said softly. Then she disappeared and the door clicked softly behind her.

"You shouldn't," I mumbled, looking down at the floor. I stood there for a moment, breathing deeply to bring myself back down, and then turned around to lie down on my bed.

_oooOOOooo_

I had decided while I stared at the ceiling that I would go talk to Andromeda again. Maybe I could tell her everything, from the very beginning, and she would understand. Maybe she would hold me in her arms and kiss my head like Mummy used to when I was upset. Maybe she would tell me to stop blaming myself, that I'd done nothing wrong. And maybe, just maybe, I would believe her.

"Andy?" I asked quietly as I stepped into her room. The door was already half-open, so I pushed it open the rest of the way. I looked around, but the room was empty. I frowned. I was just about to turn around when I heard sobbing coming through the bathroom. The door on Andromeda's half of the bathroom was opened wide and only opened a crack on Bellatrix's end. I walked through their peach-colored bathroom and stood against the door on Bellatrix's end, listening.

"…I just… it's not fair!" Bellatrix choked out through her tears. "Why doesn't he want me? I _love_ him, Andy; _so much_. I love him more than I've ever loved another man!" Her words fell silent as another sob erupted through her body. I closed my eyes, wondering what had happened at dinner. My heart was twisting and it didn't feel right. My sister never cried; more importantly, she never cried over a _man_. This angered me, but I waited and listened, hopefully Bella would say more. I wanted to know the whole story.

It took a few minutes and I heard Andy's gentle hushing noises and words the entire time, but eventually Bella calmed herself down enough to talk again.

"How can he just leave me?" she asked, but her voice was still thick with tears. "I'm having his child… and he just deserts me! My child is going to be a bastard; why won't Father let me get rid of it?" She dissolved into cries again, but still spoke. "Oh, yeah: because he's looking for other husbands for me! So that I won't be an embarrassment on the family. Cissy was right, wasn't she? I'm just a whore!" She broke down into sobs again and I couldn't take it any longer.

I quickly, but carefully, maneuvered out of the bathroom and back through Andromeda's room. No one made my sisters cry, especially not a man. I thought about the words I'd shot Bellatrix down with and my stomach dropped. I had been horrible to her; I hadn't even taken into consideration that tonight hadn't gone as planned. I pieced together the puzzle: Bellatrix was crying and Rodolphus had apparently left her. He couldn't just leave her; she was having his child.

I told myself that I would fix this mess. I would fix it because I'd been a horrible sister to Bellatrix and she deserved the best. Rodolphus made her happy and she would have him. I would fix it because I had to. But I knew that it was too late to fix tonight.

So, when I woke up the next morning, I quickly dressed and threw some Floo powder into my fireplace. I stepped inside and called out:

"Ministry of Magic!"


	10. Love Or Something Like It

**Author's Note:** An update? =O Sorry it's taken me so long. Thank you to Az for beta-reading this.

Would you all mind dropping a little review? Just so I know you're still reading. Thank you. =]

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Love (Or Something Like It)**

I stepped from the fireplace at the Ministry of Magic and into the hustle-bustle of our wizarding headquarters. I made my way to the lift, which would bring me to the exact department – and person – I was looking for.

"Level five, please," I said politely, offering the lift waiter a small smile. He stared blankly at me and I spun around, rolling my eyes.

We waited until the lift was filled with others that were headed to level five (Department of International Magical Cooperation) and then began our journey. When the lift stopped, everyone stepped from it and went to their designated areas. I walked up to the head secretary's desk. She looked up at me with a smile.

"Can I help you?" she asked, blinking her green eyes.

"Yes," I said shortly, already not liking this girl. "I need to see Rodolphus Lestrange."

She nodded and stood up. "Name?" she asked.

I swallowed. What if the entire department knew? I gnawed on my lip for a moment, but then realized that that probably caused me to look suspicious. "Narcissa Black," I replied.

She nodded once more and turned around, gesturing for me to follow. I followed her down the hallway, to the second door. She knocked and I heard a gruff response. She opened the door and poked her head inside. Then she slipped into the room, leaving the door open just a crack so that I was able to hear everything.

"Narcissa Black is here to see you, Rodolphus," she said. There was silence, then a groan and what I took as a dismissal. But I would not back down. The secretary poked her head out and frowned. "He's a bit busy right now – "

"Nonsense!" I argued and she winced. But she didn't look like she was about to argue with me. So I stepped up to the door and shoved it open. The secretary moved out of the way. Rodolphus looked up at me sharply.

"Narcissa, honestly," he sighed, "I have things to do. Can't we talk another time? Not that you've ever had much interest talking with me in the first place – "

"I do when it involves my sister!" I told him, my voice loud.

He took a pained expression and then waved the secretary out of the room. "Never mind, Eloise. It's fine; go on," he said hastily. I heard the door click shut behind me, but kept my attention on the man in front of me. He leaned back in his chair and then waved towards one in front of his desk. "Have a seat, Cissy."

"Don't be coy with me," I snapped as I marched up to his desk. I sat down and glared at him.

"It might only be July, but I think it's time to turn the heat on," he said dryly. "It suddenly got very cold in here."

"You broke her!" I shouted, jumping to my feet. "She's having your child and you're _leaving_ her? Her heart is literally breaking, Rodolphus. What don't you understand about that? _She loves you_. She probably loves you more than anything in the world! And I'll be damned if someone else marries her... someone that doesn't love her like you do. Did you know that our father is searching for a husband for her? To help raise _your_ child? Do you – "

"You don't understand this situation, Narcissa," Rodolphus said icily, standing up.

I continued to glare at him. "Then explain it to me," I replied. "I won't leave until you do. This is my family we're discussing."

He seemed hesitant and regarded me. He was silent for a while, but then finally broke. "Bellatrix has been pregnant for two months – _two months_! She was planning on aborting the baby without even letting me have a say in the matter. I didn't even know that she was pregnant. She was going to kill a child we'd made together – _and not even tell me_! How do you think that made me feel?" He stopped and looked down at his desk, shaking his head. Then he looked back up at me. "I love your sister, I really do. But if she was going to keep something like that from me, what else might she hide? What else is she keeping from me _now_? What if the baby isn't mine? What if – "

Maybe it was because I'd called my sister a whore earlier and regretted it, but to hear it coming from someone else enraged me. "Don't you dare accuse Bella of being a whore!" I yelled. "She's only been sleeping with you – only you – for the past year and half! Trust me... I know." I looked away as I said that, embarrassed. But I wanted him to hear me out: that Bella loved him and needed him. They needed to become a family. If not for themselves, then for the baby. A child needed both a mother and a father to raise it.

There was more silence and I slid my eyes back to look up at Rodolphus. He was staring down at his desk, leaning on it with his hands; his hair fell forward so I couldn't see his face.

"She's crying, Rod," I said gently. "Bella doesn't cry... _ever_; especially not over a guy. She needs you... she wants you. If she's going to keep the baby now, doesn't that make it better? Why have some other man, who'll be a loser compared to you, raise your son? Or daughter... It doesn't make sense to me." I paused, allowing him to speak, but he never did, so I added: "Don't keep yourself from happiness because you want my sister to suffer." He didn't respond right away.

"I've always wanted a daughter," he said, laughing a bit. Then he looked up at me and I saw his tears, but he was smiling. "I love her so much, Cissy. I've loved her since the day I first saw her. And I could kill Rookwood for hurting her like he did... I still want to. It took me so much to undo the damage he'd done to her." He straightened and ran a hand through his brown hair. "I just lost it last night…. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. And then I remembered all the men she'd been with and how she cheated on Rookwood with me and I panicked. I thought that maybe it wasn't mine; maybe she loved another man... so I walked out of the restaurant. And got pissed at The Leaky Cauldron."

I smiled and then giggled at the image in my head of a drunk Rodolphus. I composed myself and shook my head. "She only loves you," I assured him. Then I gave him a pleading look. "Please, don't take too long to go after her. She'll harden to it soon and then you won't have a chance."

Rodolphus sat back down in his chair. He exhaled loudly and looked down at his hands in his lap. "Narcissa," he said and I bit the inside of my cheek. "This isn't an easy decision. But Bella hurt me and I don't want to marry her just because of the baby. I want to marry her because I love her – "

"Which you do!" I urged, my voice mixed between excitement and nervousness.

He looked up at me. "Which I do," he repeated slowly, "but I want to know that she loves me as well." He held up his hand when I opened my mouth and I quickly clammed my mouth shut. "And not just because I'm not in her life anymore and she'll be left with a child that's perhaps fatherless. I mean, of course, I would give her money monthly since the child is mine, but – "

"Money won't fix her," I mumbled, not caring whether or not he heard. I looked down at the floor, realizing that my trip here had been a failure. There was no changing his mind; he was going to leave Bella and his child behind and unhappy. Before I could hear him say the words, I said, "I have to go now, Rodolphus. Thank you for taking the time to listen to me."

Then I turned and left his office, feeling utterly defeated. Bella would never forgive me.

_oooOOOooo_

When I arrived back to the manor, my stomach growled. I tried to ignore the hungry feeling in my stomach, but it was intense. However, after an obviously unsuccessful day, I would not eat. It was a small price to pay for my actions.

I walked over to the bookshelf in my room and picked out a random book. I glanced briefly at the cover. It was _Sense & Sensibility_. I gave the book a faint smile and then walked over to my bed. I sat down, kicked off my shoes and then curled up on my bed with the book.

I had only read a few pages when I heard a loud knock coming from down the hallway. Then I heard my father calling out for Bella. I slipped from my bed, my book still in hand, and crept to my door. I opened it slightly and peered outside.

"...here to see you," my father was saying. He looked torn between happiness and resentment. I narrowed my eyes. Bella murmured something I couldn't hear and then my father spoke again. "Bellatrix, come downstairs. Stop fighting with me."

"Are you going to tell me who it is?" Bella snapped at our father as she stepped from her room in her nightclothes.

My father stopped and looked at her clothing. "Won't you change?" he asked.

"If I go back into my room, I'm not coming back out."

Then my father nodded. "Very well," he said. "I suppose it doesn't matter much anyway..." They walked down the hallway and around the corner.

I stepped out into the hallway at the same time as Andy. She beckoned me to hurry and I dashed down to her. She linked arms with me and we rounded the corner to the stairs. Bella and Daddy were just reaching the last step. Bella stopped short, staring ahead. I sat down with Andy on the top step, my book in my lap, and Rodolphus came into view.

"I hate you," Bella hissed from across the room. Then she was running across the foyer towards him. I thought she was going to go after him, but instead she flung her arms around his neck and he caught her in his arms, lifting her up off the ground slightly. "I hate you!"

Rodolphus smirked as he hugged her close to his body. He ran his hand over her hair and gripped her even more tightly. He whispered into her ear and kissed the side of her head, over and over. I smiled to myself, clutching the book in my hands. Seeing my sister so happy made my heart flutter with excitement. I was surprised that Rodolphus had come and even more surprised that Bella had taken him back, but it was good; it was a very good thing.

Eventually, they exited the house through the front door. I sat in silence with Andy, still staring down the stairs.

"Let's go celebrate," my sister said beside me. She stood up and I looked up at her. She smiled gently and held out her hand to me. I debated, wondering what she had in store, but then grabbed her hand. She helped me up and we walked down the stairs.

"Don't you want to be in love like that someday, Cissy?" Andy chatted happily as we walked into the dining room. There was a door in the room that led down to the kitchen, which was in the basement of the house. We normally didn't go down to the kitchen, as the house elves lived down there as well.

I looked over at Andy as we stopped at the door. I shrugged. "It makes me glad to see that Bella is happy," I decided. "But..."

"But what?" Andy chirped. We walked down the stairs into the kitchen.

"Nothing. Yes, I suppose it would be nice," I quickly agreed so she wouldn't pester me. I waited awkwardly by the stairs as Andy comfortably moved around the kitchen, shooing the house elves away when they tried to help. Then it occurred to me that Andy wasn't seeing anyone, so I didn't quite understand why she was asking me about love.

Andy grabbed two cupcakes from the refrigerator and then levitated two glasses towards her. She filled them with milk, closed the door and headed back to me, the glasses following her. She smiled upon reaching me, handing me a cupcake. I did my best to smile and keep the disapproving look from reaching my face. I gently took the food and then reached behind my sister to grab my glass of milk. We headed back up the stairs.

"Do you love anyone?" I asked when we had sat down in the chairs at the dining room table. I peeled slowly at the cupcake wrapping and stared at my sister. Out of the corner of my eye, I was aware of the bright pink frosting and multi-colored sprinkles.

A shadow washed over her face, but then she quickly smiled. She shook her head. "Not yet," she replied, though it seemed forced. Of course, she probably only discussed these things with Bella. I was the baby sister; the one whose hair got pulled, the one who got pushed, the one who was left in her hiding spot during a game of Hide-n-Seek because Bella had been it, found Andy and then they had taken off, forgetting about me. "But I have my dream man picked out." She grinned.

I giggled. I almost brought the cupcake to my mouth, but quickly caught myself. "Tell me about him," I urged, placing the cupcake down on the table. I grabbed my glass of milk instead and took a small sip.

"No!" Andy laughed, shaking her head. "If I tell you, when he comes along, you might steal him for yourself." She continued to laugh and it gave me an excuse, so I laughed along with her.

"It's good to hear my girls laughing again."

We looked over to the entrance of the dining hall and saw our father standing there. He was smiling at us. Our laughter slowly died and we stared at him, grinning widely. He stepped into the room and walked up to us. He dropped his head to kiss my cheek and then did the same with Andy. Then he took his seat at the head of the table. Andy turned around to face him.

"Papa, can we please host our own ball?" she asked suddenly. "Please. It's been too long!"

My father stared at her steadily, but then averted his gaze to look at me. "Narcissa," he said, "what do you say about it?"

He had taken me off guard. I blinked at him several times, my lips parted slightly. I looked at my sister, who was staring at me with a pleading look. Then I looked back at my father. "I... well, I... I mean," I stammered. _Get a hold of yourself!_ I took a deep breath. "I suppose it's not a bad idea, Daddy. I mean, it has been a while, but I'm not sure anyone really expects us to host another ball..." I let my voice trail off and I looked down at the table.

"Oh, Papa, don't listen to Cissy's doubts," Andy urged. I snapped my head up at her, glaring. But she was looking at our father.

He glanced at me, smirked, and then looked back at Andy. He leaned back in his chair. "It would help me find suitable husbands for you two if we held a ball," he decided with a playful grin. "Now that Bella is out of the way..."

"Daddy!" I screeched.

"Papa!" Andy hollered at the same time. "You promised that you wouldn't meddle in the affairs of our hearts! You can't go back on your word now!" She seemed very upset and anxious. However, she was correct; he'd promised long ago (to our mother) that he wouldn't set us up with husbands; unless it proved that (by twenty-five) we hadn't married yet. He had agreed to let us find love ourselves, which wasn't exactly the conventional thing to do among purebloods.

His first engagement had been to a pureblood from Russia, the most predominant pureblooded family in that country. By chance, our mother had been invited to his engagement party. My father had never taken much notice of her because he was three years her senior; but he had certainly noticed her at the party. Luckily for him (and us), the marriage between our father and the Russian hadn't been arranged, so my father was able to call it off. He pursued my mother directly afterwards, despite the fact that she was finishing up her last year at Hogwarts. He wrote her daily, sent her gifts and was in Hogsmeade when the school went there for trips.

My mother had always told me that it was Valentine's Day when she truly gave in to her feelings. She had been toying with my father the entire time, but that day he had enchanted the falling snow around her to fall as red hearts. It was a true love story and had always sent my head spinning when I was younger. I begged my mother to tell me the story all the time, hoping that someday, I might fall in love and that my head would somehow stop spinning, finally finding some ground. They married a year later, on Valentine's Day, and a year later in June Bella was born.

My father was grinning by now. "Andromeda, settle yourself," he said, chuckling. "I'm merely joking with you two, my dear. I intend to keep the promise I made."

"Then why were you looking for husbands for Bella?" Andy asked.

"Andromeda," my father warned and she dropped her gaze. It was not her matter to discuss with him. My father looked at me and then glanced at my uneaten cupcake. "Are you going to eat that, Cissy?"

I looked down at the unwrapped cupcake. Then I slid it over to my father, avoiding Andy's gaze. My father took a bit of the cupcake and then I also offered my glass of milk to him. He took it, sipping slowly.

"Oh, girls," he said after he'd finished chewing. "The Malfoys are coming over for dinner next Sunday. I expect you all to be on your best behaviour. Your aunt, uncle and cousins will be here as well." My stomach dropped at the mention of the Malfoys and I looked down at the table. Andy mumbled a response and then excused herself from the table. I sat in silence, going over the morning's encounter with Lucius. I sighed and leaned back in my chair.

"Don't look so sullen, Narcissa," my father said as he stood up. He put his hand on my shoulder as he walked by me. "We'll have a ball, sweetheart." He kissed the top of my head and then I was alone.


End file.
